I got bored today and smoked weed (AFTER school of course).

I know why I freaked out a few days ago; I have visual static (always have) and have had a migrainish headache for a few days. I interpreted the pain to mean something was seriously wrong with my eyes and the anxiety fed off that and got out of control. Today, whenever the pain appeared I just marvelled at how it didn't really hurt, because of the weed. In fact I even pinched myself, as hard as I could, and though I knew it was "pain" it didn't feel bad, just intense... in a good way, which lead me on a train of thought that you are only truly alive when you are in pain because the rest of our experiences are so weak and vague and pain is sharp and strong. Then I decided that is similar to the thinking that goes with self-harming, and that was pretty "emo" and forgot about it (until now).

Happy birthday.

I have been listening to too many hours of Taylor Swift and Leonard Cohen lately. It has me contemplating radical feminism. Not espousing it, mind you, just contemplating it. Mix that with the information that the Supremes will be hearing McDonald v Chicago sometime next year and that ammo has become scare... well, stating that I am in a weird thought space might be an understatement.

And I'm having a helluva time finding a Glock or Sig to match my stilettos.

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