I hereby disallow the National Film Board of Canada. It has caused my head to explode far too many times.

No, seriously. You can watch O Canada on Cartoon Network and see what I mean. These cartoons aren't just weird. They're sadistic. Bizarre. Unsettling.

For example:

A plane flies in. A man walks out. People are talking, but all that comes out of their mouths is gibberish. His bag is squirming around. At the customs desk, the officer sees it and pulls out an orange creature with a pig-snout. It sings at him. He holds up a huge sign, proclaiming that the pig-creature is illegal, and begins to tell a story.

OK, by now my head has already exploded three or four times, but we're only three minutes into the cartoon.

The story tells of a man who brought an orange pig-creautre to Canada. He slinks around the airport, clutching it in his arms, looking devious. He brings it home, sets it on a table. It sings at him - he stuffs toast in its mouth. He notices an insect, screams. Looks at the creature. THOUSANDS OF INSECTS LURK INSIDE ITS FUR. THEY CRAWL OFF AND FILL HIS HOUSE. THEY SWARM AND EAT ALL OF THE VEGETABLE LIFE IN CANADA, DESTROYING THE LIVES OF HUNDREDS AND ENDING LIFE AS WE KNOW IT.

Right. The cartoon ends with a message informing us that the Canada customs board is here for our safety. My head explodes for the twenty-third time, splattering the room with bits of my skull.

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