Looking back:
Yesterday was not a very good day. It's behind me, I'm over it, and
I'm going to move forward without dwelling on it. Here's why I think it
was bad; I didn't take my vitamis. Those are essential for me. I also
tried to change too many things in my life in one week. You're bound to
have setbacks when you try new things. I'm proud of myself for being
aggressive. I thought I was taking it slow, now I see I have to take it
even slower. A good thing I want to celebrate about Friday was that I
did my yoga DVD which I've been neglecting. I felt much better after
that. In the past it would have made me much sorer than it did
yesterday. It tired me out, and I probably should have taken a nap
instead of writing, I'll have to remember that for next time.
I really want a bag for my yoga mat. This is silly because I don't
really go places with it. The bag is not going to make me sleeker or
sexier, it's going to take money I could be spending on debt retirement,
other things I'd rather have, or savings, and then I'll have the bag,
but not the discipline that allows me to feel better about myself after
resisting an impulse purchase. I have an idea that somehow this yoga
carrier is going to transform my life so I'll become one of the thin and
trim women who diligently attends classes, sometimes I envy those
women. The thing is, it isn't the yoga mat or bag that make those women
people I admire, and I don't admire all of them, it's their resolve.
So I'm not going to buy a yoga bag or a new DVD because I'm not
regularly using the ones that I have. I get ideas that I need certain
things before I can accomplish my goals. Very often, this is an untruth I
am telling myself. The other day I went outside to check on my
raspberries. I'm not quite sure that the green leaves are actually from
my raspberry canes, but I think that they are, and even if they aren't,
I'm still excited. I was very lonely last night until I turned on the
White Sox/Marlins game. From the things I've heard, I was prepared for
hideous baseball, but when I went to bed the game was still tied in the
eleventh inning. There was a blown call by Angel Hernandez that I'm sure
I'll be hearing about for a while, but bad calls are a part of life,
and I've moved on alreaady.
Another reason that yesterday did not go well was because on Thursday
I went to see my sister, and the combination of the dust, pollen in the
air, and her cleaning chemicals was not good for my lungs. I googled
cleaning with essential oils. I'm going to start using them to clean, I
have a few, most of the time I add them to my bath, but I've wanted to
get rid of the harsh scouring products and cleansers that we have
because even though most of them are purported to be environmentally
friendly, they still bother me. There's a lot of packaging, the prices
are ridiculous, and the oils appeal to me for many reasons. I feel as if
they work better, they're concentrated so a little goes a long way, and
the fragrances make me feel refreshed or relaxed instead of clogged.
I can't remember if I read anything in my book yesterday. I've been
trying to get a better mix of exposure to different media. I listened to
two podcasts yesterday, I may only have time for one today as I am
supposed to be going to my cousin's baby shower. While I love my cousin,
I'm still drained from this past week, I know my mom won't have a lot
of food I can eat, my youngest sister wants my family to go back out to
Madison, and she can take the kids, but I am just not up to helping
anyone else today. I stayed up to get the dishes done and the kitchen
floor swept. We have hardwood flooring that runs the length of my
kitchen, extends into the dining room, and goes down the hall towards
our bedrooms. It needs to be swept every day, and it gets really grimy
if it isn't.
It's my step-daughter's job to sweep, and my oldest daughter's job to
mop. My step-daughter has had a terrible attitude lately. She doesn't
do her chores, and nothing happens to her. She had asked for a laundry
basket when she first moved in so I let her use one of mine. Without
asking, she took a second basket, and at first I didn't say or do
anything because I didn't think it was a big deal. I was downstairs
folding a batch of towels the other day. I put the towels into a basket,
and then forgot to carry the basket upstairs. Who knows why, maybe I
was interrupted, but I forgot, and went downstairs to find that my
step-daughter had taken the towels I had folded out of the basket, put
them on top of my washer, and then piled a load of clean sheets on top.
Since I didn't know there were towels until the sheets they fell to
the floor. When I went upstairs I was mad because that created extra
work for me, and I guess I was really annoyed because when her clothes
is in the dryer, I lay it out so it doesn't accumulate wrinkles, or I
wait for her to get her clothes out of the dryer since most of the time
what I need to be washed or dried isn't urgent. When I was in the area
she uses, she's now taken over both the back room and the sun porch, I
saw that she had stacked two laundry baskets together, one was shoved
down into another, and the side of the baskets were bulging from the
pressure. I was mad so I dumped her clothes out, took the baskets
downstairs to use, and sent her a text informing her that she could feel
free to buy her own laundry baskets.
Maybe that wasn't the best way to handle it, but I'm really tired of
her not contributing to the household while my children are getting
yelled at for the very same thing, and they have consequences to go
along with not participating. My husband has a double standard, we're
all slobs at home. None of us is great at putting our things away,
whether it's dishes, or things from a project we're working on at the
time. My husband yelled at me, so I yelled back at him. I said a lot of
things that I shouldn't have, but I'm not sorry that I did that. In the
past I would have let the injustices continue, and I need to start
standing up for myself and the girls since that's something my mother
didn't do for her children, and that was not okay.
Good things about this past week: I got a lot done on Monday. I made a
lot of vegetables, they lasted for quite a few meals, and I didn't have
to spend as much time in the kitchen since a lot of things were already
prepared. That helped me eat better, and feel better about myself. I
did my yoga DVD, I went to the Brewers game, and didn't eat a crazy
amount of food. Work went well, I have one more day, and then I'm done
until the next school year. The kids watched Mary Poppins, and until
it was playing, I had forgotten about how much I really love that movie.
It was nice to have a sit down day at work, my day was short, so my
paycheck will be small, but it was a nice way to cap off a busy and
stressful week.
Goals for today: Get through the shower. Don't let myself get talked
into going out to Madison. Take a nap if I feel like I need one. Keep
drinking water. I already took one dose of my vitamins so my day should
be better just from that. I want to go through my clothes, and really
pare it down so I only have a couple of outfits. Having too many choices
stresses me out, I don't need these clothes, they're in my way, I don't
want to be this size anyways, and now I don't even have to worry about
getting dressed to go into work, so I can really wear whatever I find
comfortable. I have my hundred words in already. I have this almost
done, I'm going to listen to my podcast next, and pour myself a third
glass of water. I can take my vitamins with me, and I can make good
choices while I'm at my mother's house. I can get to bed early, and I can have a better day because I'm changing what went wrong about yesterday. If you had a bad day, today is a fresh start so make the most of it, and I will too.
Until next time,
jess
Going forward: