I just wanted to thank everyone who sent me MSG's over the last couple of days. My dad's passing has been hard for some of us in the family, sometimes harder than it has been for others, but we're all weathering it pretty well. By now there are mostly smiles, fond memories, laughter, a few tears and a general sense of purpose. We're gearing up for his funeral, which will be tomorrow. It had originally been meant for just close family and friends, people local to us and some of the individuals he worked with in the past. Unfortunately, the news and media services got wind of the time/location of the funeral, someone misspoke and now it's a hugely public event.

I guess that's the cross a family must bear when its patriarch is a mediated personality. The man we know and love at home is a second, unique person from the one in the media's eye and the media, unfortunately, is beholden to relatively no one.

So we'll say goodbye to Dad under the watchful eyes of strangers.

No big deal. I mean, hell, he had some of his greatest moments in the public eye. We don't have to like it, but refusing to accept it will only cause more strife on our already taxed family.

Time to move on.

Note: I am not trying to make assumptions about anyone's past sexual history or infer that prediliction for rough sex = history of abuse. Things are simply not that black and white.

To people who are displeased with Trying to Be a Feminist:

Trying to Be a Feminist is a story about a man and a woman who engage in consensual sexual activity. She allows him to play out a power and dominance fantasy, and she communicates with him during the act, giving him permission to do certain things (throat fucking, ejaculation in her mouth) that are uncomfortable or painful or unpleasant. He is respectful of her by asking permission and does not stray from the boundaries that she has agreed to.

Christopher: Why on earth would she do this?
Garland: Maybe it turns her on.
Christopher: No, no, no that's not possible. No woman would consent to that. He coerced her physically, mentally, psychosexually to do this, somehow.
Garland: What if this had always been her fantasy? What if this is the culmination of something she loves to do?
Christopher: That depends on her sexual history. What if she was abused by someone else, and she is replaying out that trauma?
Garland: What if she is?
Christopher: That's wrong! She needs therapy, she needs help, she needs not to be recreating this scene in her sex life.
Garland: Maybe this is her therapy.
Christopher: That is too far. That... that 's too far. You cannot be serious.
Garland: You don't think that she might find submission powerful?

{Rant about GAY SEX}

Let me talk on this for a moment: submission can be powerful. If you have never found power in willfull submission to someone you trust, there is nothing wrong with you. You may not need/be turned on by/be ready for that sort of power dynamic. But other people do find it emotionally rewarding. I find it emotionally rewarding.

All gay men are asked to make a decision about submission and dominance. Top or bottom. Catcher or Pitcher. Strong macho man or little faggot nancy boy. As result, self-hating gay men like to align themselves with the Tops and distinguish themselves from the Bottoms. They find supreme strength in fucking and supreme weakness in getting fucked.

These guys are usually liars, idiots, or cowards. There is strength in getting fucked. Gay sex, to some degree, is painful for the Bottom. Bottoming is about learning to control your threshhold of pain, to overcome fear of bad past sexual experiences, and to claim your own sexual pleasure. It is about being in pain, digging your nails into someone, and demanding more.

{/Rant about GAY SEX}

There are some people who can't make a distinction between sexual role-playing and a relationship based on inequality. It is entirely possible to degrade and emotionally abuse someone during missionary position sex. What angers me about the reaction to this is that it is pretty clear that she is consenting to everything and being upfront about her wants and needs. If you don't like the sex described, or it doesn't turn you on, say so. But when you invoke the word RAPE because of its readymade, deserved emotional power, you slight and cheapen people who are raped. People who use the word RAPE to describe situations taking place between clearly consenting adults are interested in one thing: Verbal Sexual Power. They want to use the power of the word RAPE to frame your own understanding of your sexual desire, your own memories of sex that you have had in the past, your own concept of yourself. When you call someone a Rapist when you mean that they engage in a different form of sexuality that you don't understand, you are being a douche.

I understand that hearing about someone having sex that might mimic or mirror a form of abuse that you suffered is going to freak you out/bring up bad emotions/send you into a tailspin. Say that. Say "I had a boyfriend/girlfriend who sexually traumatized me and I'm fucked up about it and I don't care to read your story ever again". Downvote it if you want. But calling the author of the story a Rapist is disingenous, and wrong, and you are emotionally abusing the author by trying to turn him into something he clearly isn't.

Being hurt by someone is never an excuse to hurt someone else. End of discussion.

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