I can't sleep.

I can't sleep, and I can't drink any tea because then I won't be able to later, and that's actually worse because I love tea, and I'm running out and I have to get some more later, near Covent Garden where I found a shop that sells me Pu-Erh nests. It's almost two o'clock in the morning and I can't sleep.

If I were awake the normal way I wouldn't actually be writing this, which is funny because I can tell and I still don't stop. Maybe I'll stop. We'll see.

I actually was sleeping, and I woke up and couldn't fall back asleep. So I went up instead, because I hate tossing in bed, and now I'm sitting at the table and looking twitchily to the left, where the tea caddies are lined up on the shelf, largely empty even though now there are only seven, and I got two of them just this weekend. One, one of the new ones, has a black tea blend in it which is delicious and which if I were more pretentious than I already am I would probably be ashamed of liking, because it's a fruit blend, but bitch please. No time for that on the third orb. I especially can't drink that because black tea is the wakiest. The problem is intractable, you see?

The shelf is otherwise almost full but occupied mainly with containing things that aren't books; I bought the Everyman's Library edition of Moby-Dick last weekend too and it brings the total of actual books to nine. I also have the best of my comics with me, and those are... I dunno, maybe fifteen? Twenty? A large brick of Finder, four albums of Cités Obscures, one of Corto Maltese. Sam 'n' Max. A few more.
These were two thousand volumes all together in the old country, six crammed bookcases and some stacks besides. They still are in a way, they're mine, but they're in dry storage in a shipping container in some warehouse, in a different country over the sea. Cumbersome luggage for a man in flight.

Sometimes I look at the shelf and I make a sweeping gesture compassing it and I think, I don't dare say it out loud since I am a lodger now and the landlord might think that I am off my chump and the location is real good so I don't want to risk it, but I think, »Here is all that is left of the glorious Fargas collection«, and that alone should brand me as irreparable because I thought that movie was good up until it decided to turn idiot, and I thought that book was good mainly for having the engravings in there, otherwise it was mostly Arturo showing off his bibliophilia and what do I need that for, I mean, really, fucking come on, don't you think I have a translation of the Hypnerotomachia Poliphili in my shelf?


No, not anymore. I used to, but not anymore. It's in a box, in a box, in a house, in a fenced forest of factories, in a cold hell near the top of the world, hidden as surely as the life of Koschchei the Deathless.
But... I never slept well in the Old Country.

The total list of books in Clockmaker's house:

Labyrinths, Jorge Luis Borges, ed. Irby/Yates, Penguin Modern Classics
Le Morte Darthur, Thomas Malory, Norton Critical Edition following the Winchester Manuscript as far as possible
The Collected Works of G.K. Chesterton, vol. 6, G.K. Chesterton, Ignatius Press, re-bound by hand
The Complete Father Brown, ibid., Penguin
Moby-Dick, Herman Melville, Everyman's Library
Tao Te Ching, Lao Tzu, Feng/English translation
Chuang Tzu, Inner Chapters, Chuang Tzu, Feng/English translation
Book of Chuang Tzu, ibid., Palmer/Breuilly translation (this one contains the complete work)
Peter and Wendy, J.M. Barrie, 5th Edition, Nov. 1911
I made the pot of tea. It's green, with mint, at three AM. It is delicious.

Trawling the making sites on the internet. Digging through ideas and components for making interactive light displays. We are looking to have kids walking around a country town with lanterns which interact with each other as well as with display sites. RuBee looks interesting but the frequency it uses is not legal for unlicensed use in Australia. RFID could be useful and is legal to use. The distances for interaction might be a bit small. Bluetooth would cost more for the technology in the lanterns. A low power radio circuit using an ISM band with receivers in the lanterns could be useful. Currently looking at using an Arduino chip and home built circuit. The cost looks around @AU$35 which is still a bit spendy. ZigBee is cheaper than Bluetooth but more expensive than Arduino. Hoping that we can find a simple solution which makes things interesting so that we can have some fun with the creative possibilities of light and sound. Fingers crossed.

Note: Thanks to OldMiner for thoughts.

Shit, it happened again. This time the right coronary artery was jammed to the tune of eighty five percent. Another stent, another bruise that looks like a bunch of purple and green grapes covers the inside of my right leg and radiates upwards towards my thigh and hips. A not so subtle reminder of just how fragile I’ve become. The bruise itself will surely fade over time but right now I feel like a poster child in the great debate over the so-called ObamaCare that’s raging throughout the country

I find this distressing.

I’m being put back on Plavix to the tune of $125.00 to $150.00 dollars per month. Apparently there’s no generic brand available here in the States that is allowed to compete with the fine folks at Bristol - Myers Squibb and their army of attorneys who have fought diligently to retain their patent rights and the subsequent profits that result from the sale of the drug.

I find this even more distressing.

While I was laid up Anna came to visit me in the hospital. It wasn’t like the last time. I could sense even more disappointment. See, I was supposed to accompany her to Cincinatti this weekend for her debut in the opening of the soccer season and we made a pretty big deal out of it. The doctors advise me that I shouldn’t spend too much time behind the wheel of the car while my femoral artery begins the healing process and since it’s about a four hour round trip they strongly suggested that I remain at home.

So now I’m forced to sit around and watch the NCAA Men’s Basketball Championship in the comforts of my home while all the while I wish I was somewhere else. Spring has finally sprung here in Ohio this weekend with temperatures up near 70 and the snow finally gone. My garden calls to me from my backyard. Weeds need to be plucked and the soil is soft and just waiting to be turned but I’m told not to do any heavy lifting. Instead, I’ll be frozen in my Barcalounger waiting for the phone to ring and advise me of the results of her games. The NCAA’s make for a poor substitute.

Promises had been made, now they must be broken.

I find this the most disturbing of all.

At one point we must ask our self: can we ever know the truth? If all is in flux and the world is always changing how can we ever know the truth? The truth is established then we turn our backs to see a whole truth; that what we thought was truth was only a sliver of what is. How do we know that we are not only stepping into a bigger cave with more lighting and more shadows? We think we’ve stepped out into the real world that we’ve finally been enlightened, but really it’s only a bigger cave with a bigger fire and with bigger more intricate shadows. The shadows entice us at first glance, they keep our minds occupied. Then we get bored and turn around and see…the truth. The truth? Or another lie, another cave, another fire, another untruth. Trapped in a vicious cycle, a maze of caves, trying to find the end. Yearning to see the light, knowing that somehow what we have is not it. When will it end? Will it ever end? The twisted part…we will never know. We will always be searching, always running, constantly looking over our shoulders to see what’s really there. The search for truth has only destroyed us. Eating us from the inside out. So much so that if we ever find the real Truth we won’t even know it. Cursed to always run, always search, always fear. One thing will always be true: Ignorance is bliss.

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