FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
London finds its champion - 3/10/00
The London Grown-up Pokémon League announced yesterday that a champion has emerged from its ranks, putting an end to speculation regarding who was the very best: the best there ever was.
After five months of gruelling battles between the élite trainers a climactic finalé took place on the evening of 309. Reports of explosions and Pokémon roars heard as far south as Surbiton fuelled rumours that two trainers were engaged in what was suspected to be the final battle, and these rumours were confirmed by last nights announcement. A League spokémon made the following statement:
"On the evening of 309 two final trainers stepped forward, destined to battle one another for the glorious honour of London Grown-Up Champion Pokémon Trainer. We apologise for the effects of the battle -- power shortages in Camden, subsonic pulses heard throughout north London, fat men in top hats levitating above the Strand -- but it must be understood that when Grown-up Trainers of such calibre meet in battle there's going to be one hell of a rucus.
"The two trainers who fought in this final test were Anita Awbi and Chris Williams, both trainers with fearsome teams of Pokémon, with six level 100 monsters each. Members of the League who attended the battle are still recovering from tinnitus and psychological trauma, which is why none of them are here tonight. I can therefore announce that the winner of this titanic battle, and the London Grown-up Champion Pokémon Trainer, is Anita Awbi!"
The news provoked riots and celebrations extending well into the small hours of the morning. Anita Awbi has been a Pokémon trainer for just under a year and it is thought that her notoriously tactical approach to battling gave her the advantage over Williams. It is thought that differences in the strengths of both teams were negligible.
Our London correspondent managed to track down a member of the League, Brelson Smellson, in Whitechapel late last night. Although in a dishevelled and confused state, he was able to answer some questions.
"The battle must have been almost metaphysical in its power and scale. It's a wonder you survived!"
"I barely remember that battle. The Gyarados! Help! Sorry."
"Was it close?"
"Well I seem to remember that at one point we thought Anita had lost, then all of a sudden the battle turned in her favour and before we knew it all hell had broken loose -- the Gyarados!! -- and next thing I knew it was all over, we were all flat on our backs, and the only Pokémon standing were Anita's. So yeah I reckon it was close!"
"How long do you think Anita will remain as Champion?"
"Not long! I'll defeat her soon! Just you watch!"
"Of course Mr Smellson. Is it not true you've made similar claims continually since you joined the League, even when your toughest Pokémon was a level 7 Bulbasaur?"
"Yeah right. So now that the London League has a champion what are the next steps?"
"We're considering issuing a challenge to Grown-up Leagues of other cities around the world to see who's the best: the best there ever was! We've got the whole of the city of London behind us. We're also campaigning for Ken Livingstone to rename the Jubilee Line in our honour."
"The London Grown-up Pokémon League Line of course!"
Analysts expect that the announcement of a champion will lead to a surge of new challengers, desperate to claim the throne of London's best Grown-Up Pokémon Trainer. Anyone interested in proving themselves to be the best -- the best there ever was -- can visit the London Grown-up Pokémon League at http://clubs.yahoo.com/clubs/londonpokemonleague to issue their futile challenges.