London finds its champion - 3/10/00

The London Grown-up Pokémon League announced yesterday that a champion has emerged from its ranks, putting an end to speculation regarding who was the very best: the best there ever was.

After five months of gruelling battles between the élite trainers a climactic finalé took place on the evening of 309. Reports of explosions and Pokémon roars heard as far south as Surbiton fuelled rumours that two trainers were engaged in what was suspected to be the final battle, and these rumours were confirmed by last nights announcement. A League spokémon made the following statement:

"On the evening of 309 two final trainers stepped forward, destined to battle one another for the glorious honour of London Grown-Up Champion Pokémon Trainer. We apologise for the effects of the battle -- power shortages in Camden, subsonic pulses heard throughout north London, fat men in top hats levitating above the Strand -- but it must be understood that when Grown-up Trainers of such calibre meet in battle there's going to be one hell of a rucus.

"The two trainers who fought in this final test were Anita Awbi and Chris Williams, both trainers with fearsome teams of Pokémon, with six level 100 monsters each. Members of the League who attended the battle are still recovering from tinnitus and psychological trauma, which is why none of them are here tonight. I can therefore announce that the winner of this titanic battle, and the London Grown-up Champion Pokémon Trainer, is Anita Awbi!"

The news provoked riots and celebrations extending well into the small hours of the morning. Anita Awbi has been a Pokémon trainer for just under a year and it is thought that her notoriously tactical approach to battling gave her the advantage over Williams. It is thought that differences in the strengths of both teams were negligible.

Our London correspondent managed to track down a member of the League, Brelson Smellson, in Whitechapel late last night. Although in a dishevelled and confused state, he was able to answer some questions.

"The battle must have been almost metaphysical in its power and scale. It's a wonder you survived!"

"I barely remember that battle. The Gyarados! Help! Sorry."

"Was it close?"

"Well I seem to remember that at one point we thought Anita had lost, then all of a sudden the battle turned in her favour and before we knew it all hell had broken loose -- the Gyarados!! -- and next thing I knew it was all over, we were all flat on our backs, and the only Pokémon standing were Anita's. So yeah I reckon it was close!"

"How long do you think Anita will remain as Champion?"

"Not long! I'll defeat her soon! Just you watch!"

"Of course Mr Smellson. Is it not true you've made similar claims continually since you joined the League, even when your toughest Pokémon was a level 7 Bulbasaur?"


"Yeah right. So now that the London League has a champion what are the next steps?"

"We're considering issuing a challenge to Grown-up Leagues of other cities around the world to see who's the best: the best there ever was! We've got the whole of the city of London behind us. We're also campaigning for Ken Livingstone to rename the Jubilee Line in our honour."

"What to?"

"The London Grown-up Pokémon League Line of course!"

Analysts expect that the announcement of a champion will lead to a surge of new challengers, desperate to claim the throne of London's best Grown-Up Pokémon Trainer. Anyone interested in proving themselves to be the best -- the best there ever was -- can visit the London Grown-up Pokémon League at to issue their futile challenges.


I present an alternative to the above example. This example of a press release is a confabulation.

       Dr. Fake Name
       123 Fake Road
       Fake University
       Phone: 123-321-1234
       Fax: 123-321-4321

October 21, 2009



Forest Park Balloon Race Results Made Available Online

(Washington University, St. Louis, MO)Professor Jonathon Whitely from Washington University’s Statistics Department announced today that the results from the annual Forest Park balloon race have been made available online. Previously, the race results were only available on file in the St. Louis courthouse. However, the courthouse and the balloon race officials had been under pressure for some time to make the results widely available.

Balloon race competitors and enthusiasts from around the world closely follow the results of balloon races however have never been able to access the Forest Park results. Barbara Hayward, a veteran balloon racer from Raleigh, North Carolina, expressed her frustration with the inaccessible race results. “I have results from every major balloon race competition in North America except St. Louis’ Forest Park balloon race. I was never able to compare my results with theirs.

St. Louis courthouse historian and archivist Jeremiah Radcliff decided that it was time to release the results to the public on the Internet. He contacted Whitely in Washington University’s Statistics Department and asked for his services. “We figured it was a fine task for graduate level statisticians, since most of the results had not been sorted or analyzed,” reasoned Radcliff. Whitely accepted the task on behalf of his graduate students and formulated the project in his upper level statistics methods course.

The service is available at the web address: Questions and comments should be forwarded to Professor Jonathon Whitely. More  information is available at the website.


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