One of the things I am very interested in doing involves going to a "plaza" of some sort. A place in the center of town where people gather. I am saying this because I am COMPLETELY UNAWARE of your level of comprehension because often there are dullards on the Internets. Infestation of low comprehension, "went right over my head" types like this guy Larry I saw feeding pigeons in the park.

Now, what I want to do is stand in the middle of this plaza and have a complete mental fit that lasts in excess of 20 minutes and frightens the living shit out of everyone within a two mile radius.

I will need your help to make this happen. To support this worthy cause, please send an uncancellable check to Berhardt Illych Goats, General Delivery, Unincorporated Lands Post Office Near Bismark but Kinda to the North, North Dakota, USA. Check needs to be in the amount of $70,000 for individuals and $144,000 for couples or families of two people or less.

I would also like to note that I am looking for a woman to willingly engage in a nightmarish scenario with me (yours truly Friend Behr). What this nightmarish scenario involves requires that you be good looking enough and "hip to the scene" as the Internet kiddies say. You need to be able to make me look cool by walking just ahead of me and obeying my commands like you are my little horsey. If you are interested, please send a envelope to me at the address above containing pictures of you posing strangely while half-naked in front of a full length mirror. I would like to have a look at some of those that you have that are like that.

Thank you.

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