Jesus had a lot to say about homose... I can't say it. Faggots. Oh yeah, he had plenty to say. Sampson, get that hand outta your pants, you faggot.
First of all, this bullhockey you hear about Jesus having long hair? Bullhockey. The faggots want you to believe he had long hair but they're all in a league to change his image. He's got those warm brown eyes on that picture where he's standing around in godda... goshdarned sandals in that white dress or somethin, standing outside the door, like he's ready to knock. And his hair has this sheen like he's been using Pantene Pro-V shampoo, the one with the conditioner mixed in? Not that I would know, but I found a bottle in Bobby Amundsen's locker when we kicked him off the team.
Listen up, men. Jesus got sweaty like you and I do. He wore gray sweats like you and I do. If he'd had blocking sleds back then, he'd have hit them like frickin LT with a snootful of white, you get my drift? Britzney, I told you to sit down and shut the fu... shut the he... shut yer piehole! I'm talkin to you!
Now then. Jesus did not, repeat not, endorse homo... bumsnogging. He did not say Love your Fellow Men. Every time I hear that, I get a bit hot under the collar, because the 900-ft Jesus I know would never have said that.
Jesus is a straight up guy. All man. He'd have had a girlfriend on a Friday night and something on the side on Saturday night, know what I'm sayin'? The Mary Magdalene was undoubtedly one hot date, and Jesus was all man. He was all God, too, no doubt about that. But he'd have been mighty unhappy with the Hollywood crowd. And San Francisco? Forget about it. He'd never have played in San Francisco, no sirree.
Somewhere in the bible, it says No Faggots, just like that, NO FAGGOTS. Might be a commandment, I don't know. You'd have to ask Rev. Jones, he played wide receiver for Liberty University, and a straighter man you'd never meet. All conference WR. You shitheads should take note. Did I say shitheads? Oh, sorry, pardon my french.
These liberal California dope smoking liberal faggoty black sweater wearing philosophy-addled tofu-eating vegetarians think they can say that the bible claims that God is LOVE and that He loves all men? Jeebus Crimminey Crimmas they are perverting the very Holy Word of God. Might as well be goddam... goldarned Islamics with the towels on their heads and their women all wrapped in black so you can't see nuthin but their eyes! Un-American is what it is. We should turn that whole godda... part of the world into glazed glass. A few nukes like Lemay wanted - hand me my cigar - a finer man never walked the land - and all would be right with the world, the kissass liberals in Washington notwitstanding.
We here at CVHS believe in God and Jesus and all that. And believe in team prayer before games. One for all, all for one, as it says in the Bible. Now get out there and play like Jesus is your co-pilot.
This nodeshell has been submitted in partial fulfillment of haze's Quest: The PC Bible.