I feel better when I write. I need to remember this. And I need to remember that habits don't change overnight either. Yesterday I went to the library after my therapy session. For the first time ever I didn't cry when I was sitting in my therapist's office. She talked about her dream of opening a healing retreat, and after telling me about a two hour reflexology session she enjoyed several years ago in Arkansas she mentioned that she was going to give up her license when she retired, and if this retreat ever became a reality, she would hire me to be her foot and shoe person. We talked about exercise, she's a big believer in it, she wants to go to a three week tai chi experience in central China, and I hope she goes because I'd love to hear what she brings back from that.

We talked about me moving out, and my new business. I got to brag about a few things I've accomplished there, only it isn't really bragging because I am proud of what I'm doing and who I'm talking to about some of my ideas. When I was down in Dallas I got a message on Twitter from someone who follows me. Earlier that week this person had sent me a request to connect on LinkedIn, and I've heard others complain that's it really doesn't accomplish anything, but I use it to learn more about people I know from sites like E2, and Twitter. Most of the time the friendship or relationship comes first, and then I find out what these people do in real life, but occasionally I'll get a request out of the blue.

When I read about the guy who sent me the message I was like, wow, what a cool job. Then I saw the message and I think I read it at least ten times before I accepted it as real. My conversation with him lasted about an hour, and it was illuminating to say the least. He gave me some homework which turned out to be really mind blowing as he wanted me to watch and episode of Eastbound and Down. For those who were just as clueless as I was, the main character is a stereotypical ball player who was once great, but is now playing for a team that isn't quite as glorious as those he was formerly with. His velocity has dropped along with his salary, and he goes through life blaming other people while consuming mass quantities of drugs, alcohol, and pussy.

During my stints at other companies, I would have pursued opportunities relentlessly. Sunday afternoon there was a fan fest I could have gone to right here in Milwaukee. It would have put me in touch with players and coaches, and made good business sense, but I decided not to go, and I have no regrets. After talking with my therapist, she said that I needed to write some of these things down, I write all the time, but this is something new for me, and I'm not always sure how to go about it, and as I mentioned yesterday, the emotions have a way of surfacing and interfering. I have trouble putting names on what I'm feeling, so I'm trying to work on that as well by going to the wheel of emotions, and labeling mine.

Yesterday I didn't write any fiction. I feel good about that too because it gave me time to think about my next scene, who I want to be in it, what's going to happen next, where am I taking this people, that sort of thing. I didn't have as much time to sit around as I normally do, that was good for me too despite the cold, I felt great when I walked out of my therapy appointment. I picked up quite a few interesting books at the library, I thought that Blue Ginger would be my favorite, but last night we adapted a recipe from The Japanese Kitchen, by Hiroko Shimbo, and I think that book might be one I end up buying.

My therapist and I discussed Ayurvedic principles, and as far as a food plan, this makes sense to me as a whole life approach to food. The Traditional Chinese Medicine Practitioner that I see talked to me for quite some time about the difference between Lebanese food and Indian food, he's very adventuresome when it comes to food, and I just love how simple he makes things because he has formidable intelligence, and could easily start talking way over my head. He warned me that unless going to the chiropractor accompanied lifestyle change I would end up stuck in a cyclical pattern where I was dependent on adjustments to get through the rest of my life.

The chiropractor I see is a former sailor, and I really like him although I can see how others would be turned off by him. Like my acupuncture guy he isn't warm and fuzzy, but that isn't really what I need from someone who has their hand on my hip. Since therapy had gone so well, I was really unprepared for the tears that welled up when he started talking to me about the way that my mind worked and who I was as a person. He wants me to start running again. I've told him about the soft tissue damage on my left foot, but he thinks that I can do some things to work with it, and I'll feel better just getting outside and having that time to myself. Running used to be a great stress reliever for me once I learned more about how to work with the body that I have which is not shaped to run quickly.

There's more I'd like to write, so I'm filing the end of this under Unfinished Business. Thanks for reading, and being a part of this road to understanding myself.

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