In my high school chemistry class, we were given a sheet of ions to memorize. Extra credit was offered if we could write a song that contained every ion on the sheet. So, here is the Ionic Rhapsody, sung to the tune of Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen.

These are the ions,
We learn in chemistry,
Ms. Kern makes us learn them,
And recite them from memory.

Open your book, they're in the appendix, you see.
I'm just a student, trying to pass chemistry,

'Cause I have an A, have an F, upper track, lower track

Any way our tests go, ions really matter, to me, to me.

Ms. Kern, this ion sheet,

I've got them in my head, now these ions are my friends,

Ms. Kern, the term has just begun,

But my unit packet was already late,
Ms. Kern, ooh-ooh-ooh,
Didn't mean to make you cry,
But all three of us sit in the same row,
Upper track, upper track, these ions really matter.

Too late, our quiz is due,
Sends shivers down my spine, body acheing all the time,
Surprise, everybody, I got a 4!
Which beats my previous high score of 3,
Ms. Kern, ooh-ooh-ooh,
I don't want to fail,
I sometimes wish I'd signed up for Chem. Comm.

(instrumental break)

I see a little bicarbonate ion,

Acetate! Acetate! Will you bond with hydroxide?

Chromium and nitrate, iron, nickel, sulfate, tin!

Chlorate, Chlorite!




Perchloride, cyanide,!

Ions like chloride, next to ones like bromide.

Ions like chloride, next to ones like bromide!

Spare him his limit of three questions per day!

Strontium, mercury, oxide, nickel, lead,

Barium! Tin! Peroxide, oxalate, nitrate zinc!

Barium! Peroxide, oxalate, nitrate zinc!

Barium! Peroxide, oxalate, nitrate zinc!

Peroxide, iodide, nitrate zinc! Peroxide, iodide, nitrate zinc!

Tartrate, phosphate, iodate, carbonate!

Permanganate, permanganate, permanganate, iodide,

Aluminum has an oxidation number of three, of three, of three...

(Instrumental break)

Hydrogen, Lithium, Silver, silicate, floride,

Potassium, ammonium, sodium, hydride,

Lead, chromate, copper, nickel, dichromate,

Calcium, cadmium, manganese.

(Instrumental break)

Ooh, ooh, ooh-yeah, ooh-yeah

Ions really matter, in Chem. Study B,

Ions really matter, ions really matter, to me.

(softly) Anything Ms. Kern says...

Just to clarify a few things: Our teacher's name was Ms. Kern, hence, the name in the song. She used to say our class was "upper upper track", so we included that in the song. Also, the three of us sat in the same row, and we were troublemakers, so that is why us sitting in the same row very well could make her cry.

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