A poem made me realize or remember that I really don't know how to smile. Probably remember, I think I've wondered about this before. My face can form a signal of amusement when I'm laughing, but if I try to smile, say, for a photo... I do not know how to smile. I went to a mirror to see what was I doing wrong. My normal face, without a smile, emits seriousness, but I wouldn't call it dismissive. And then I try to smile. It actually looks okay when I smile small, subtle would maybe be a word for it. But I'm not sure if others see it as a smile.

A wider smile - doesn't look natural. The problem is that I'm keeping my lips together. And when I open them, I notice a possible reason for why I can't or don't smile: yellow teeth. Okay, so I don't even drink all that much coffee, but I had bad mouth hygiene when I was a kid. Not only that, but a natural yet ugly feature in my teeth makes it so that, as if to spite the rest of the teeth, one spot in the corner of an upper tooth appears completely white. A horrendous contrast that I don't like looking at myself.

But that smile appears forced. And actually, it is. I let my face relax a bit, and get a better smile. It's withdrawn to my left, the spot in the middle of this smile. But this may be the most natural smile I can get on my face. Maybe it's better to smile with a wounded smile than not at all.

I took a look at some recent pictures. In one, I honestly look like I'm smiling - and also stupid, because my mouth is open. But my raised hands and position also put out that. Another picture from a closer distance... You gotta be kidding me. I should have not smiled at all here, because I am but showing my teeth. I don't know how to smile, but it's okay. I don't need to smile except when I'm laughing.

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