I nap a lot lately; I'm not sure if it's just me naturally or if it's my lithium. I don't know how to tell. But in any case I find myself waking up in the middle of the afternoon, sun streaking in through the blinds. My dog is curled up into my neck and just before I open my eyes, because I'm so warm and I feel so - not happy, I'm not conscious enough for that - but warm and calm, it's almost like I'm back where I was at this summer.
I can almost imagine the heavy traffic outside of my window and if I listen hard enough, I can hear my neighbor's kids laughing shrilly as they chase each other on the sidewalk. I lose myself to limbo for a moment where I'm half convinced that LA is tangible around me and I'm happy and employed and healthy.
I'm eating again. I'm not afraid of anything and everything isn't entirely certain but it's certain enough and that is all I really need.
But then my puppy starts to shake off sleep and the cold winter light starts to dim. My cat realizes I'm not dead asleep anymore and he starts to let me hear it for sleeping for - oh my god has it been four hours?
I feed them and go to get something for myself but as soon as I open my mouth all I can taste is bad breath, bitterness, and nausea. Let's hope I can get some reading done before I fall asleep again.