The Sims is a game by Maxis in which the player controls every detail in the life of a simulated character or characters. This is only fun if you are in the mood to take on another mundane life to worry about in addition to your own. It's much more amusing to kill your Sims. Here's how:

  1. Hunger- This is the simplest and most time consuming way to kill a Sim, as death by hunger takes a few days. Just don't instruct the Sim to eat; he or she can't on his/her own. Incidentally, if you undertake to kill your Sim by boredom (no friends), he/she will eventually become too depressed to get a job or go to work. No money implies no food. (N-Wing says "re How to kill a Sim: If you have free will on, they feed themselves.", but the point about death by hunger by way of poverty still stands.)

  2. Drowning- So, Sims need fun to stay alive and exercise to stay fit, and swimming pools are great for this purpose. They are also great murder tools. Send your Sim swimming, then delete all of the ladders leading out of the pool. The end.

  3. Fire- Sims need stoves to cook food. Sims need cookbooks to know how to cook their food with minimal risk of fire. Sims need fire alarms so that in case there is a fire, the fire department comes and puts it out. Get the stove (preferably the most expensive one- it's the hardest to use), skip the cookbook and alarm. Then set your Sim cooking. Make sure to immediately surround him or her with trees. Click "take a picture" while he/she burns.

  4. Disease- Go to the Sims' website, where you can download additions to your house such as ornamental Moose heads, toys, germ-bearing hamsters, etc. Download a germ-bearing hamster. (It doesn't say its germ bearing, no.) Don't have your Sim feed it or clean its cage, then have him/her play with it so it bites him/her. Your irresponsible Sim will fall sick, waste away and die.

The following is one of the quickest methods of killing your Sim(s):

1. Create a small enclosed room away from the main house (in your Sim's backyard, for instance).

2. Insert a fireplace in this enclosure, and a door opposite the fireplace.

3. Tell your Sim to go turn on the fireplace. When he enters the room and is standing in front of the lit fire, pause the game.

4. Place wicker tables in every available tile in the room. Remove the door.

Unpause the game, and there you have it.

Oh, and by the way, if you ever try drowning your Sim, be sure to watch their bladder bar as they swim around aimlessly. Many times, I've seen it reach desperately low levels, then suddenly shoot back up to normal status...

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