Hammerman! Hammer! Hammerman! Hammer!

Possibly one of the most ill-advised career moves ever, this should have been marked as the downhill turning point in VH1's Too Legit to Quit TV movie based on the life of MC Hammer. Probably one of the most horrendous and thrown-together cartoons ever, the DIC-animated Hammerman lasted one season on ABC, from September 1991 to September 1992. The plot involved a retiring urban superhero of sorts passing down his magical dancing shoes to a worthy recipient, that recipient being youth center worker named Stanley. The shoes knew Stanley was the man for the job, so when wearing the shoes Stanley became the superhero known as Hammerman. He would spend the episodes fighting crime (usually indirectly caused by imprisioned arch-nemesis Boss Grindenheimer), protecting his shoes, and "uplifting the kids with positive messages" against gangs, drugs, and vandalism. It was standard cloying McGruff the Crime Dog-style fare, only this time with a hip-hop beat that all the kids supposedly loved.

Problem was, not only did critics rip it apart for weak writing, animation and voices, but the kids dissed it too. It was nowhere near as fun as the show it was trying to be a contemporary to, Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids, simply because there were no engaging supporting characters. As a result, Hammer doing the same schtick over and over again got old real quick.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who thought so.

And now...the lyrics to the theme song.

Hammerman! Hammer!
Hammerman! Hammer!

Whenever there's a crime,
Some crooks are gonna do time.
They all better beware,
'Cause the Hammerman will be there.

Here's how it started,
Along time ago.
The legend of the Hammer,
And how it began to grow.

He was given magical shoes,
From a hip-hop mo-town dude.
Together they had power,
They stood up for what was right.
But Gramps was getting old,
And he couldn't keep up the fight.
So Gramps and his granddaughter,
They went out on the road
To find the man they knew could tell
Who was worthy of the load.
They met a guy named Stanley
Who was dancing every night.
He helped the kids play everyday,
His heart was out of sight.
So Gramps opened up the bag,
And took out the magical shoes.
He set them on the ground
And they soon began to groove.
The shoes knew at once,
They had finally found their man,
They hopped right on his feet,
And he became Hammerman.

Hammerman! Hammer!
Hammerman! Hammer!
Hammerman! Hammer!
Hammerman! Hammer!
Oh Yeah!

Wanna see a DivX-encoded version of the intro? Check out http://www.aowz68.dsl.pipex.com/cartoons/hammerman/hammerman.shtml.

Ham"mer*man (?), n.; pl. Hammermen ().

A hammerer; a forgeman.


© Webster 1913.

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