In a glass house everything is seen.
I am wondering how to let go of old grief. Family who are not dead but have a role for me that I don't want to play. I walk away, wondering. I still love them and grieve. How do I transform the grief?
Buddhism says to let go of attachments.
It is time to let go of the attachment of wishing that we would reconcile, that they would see me, that they would speak and listen. I want to live in a glass house, honest, real, feel my emotions, even if it would mean living alone. My cat accepts me lonely or happy. The trees accept me lonely or happy. The house accepts me grieving or laughing. The universe is unperturbed by anger or joy.
I have forgiven them all but that is not reconciliation. But now I stretch to transform: thank them for helping me to let go of the attachment to family, to my assigned role, to rebellion in that role, to them someday seeing me. I let go and thank them: that I have known them, that I love them, that I can treasure memories of each individual. I thank them for letting me love and let go.
I live in a glass house.
Everything is seen.
Over the Rhine: Days like this. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJTOboPihxU