So many guys share knowledge with each other about what women want, as though we know. Truth is, we don't know anything about women, let alone ourselves. Many men, of course, will rally against that fact, but it's the bald-faced truth- we're a bunch of boneheads when it comes to our gender counterparts. We want the ideal woman, but there aren't a lot of guys who can totally agree on what the "ideal woman" really is. Is she beautiful? Probably, but beauty is measured differently by everyone. Is she smart? Sometimes, but some guys are just looking for a hot body and no brains. Is she wise? Sometimes, but some guys don't want their female partners to be too wise lest their egos get deflated over time. Is she friendly? Perhaps, but not too friendly- us men often have friends that might take advantage of such kindness. Is she passionate? Could be, but I've met a few guys who want a woman with no surprises.

The same situation goes for women. Men constantly gripe about hearing women say, "I just want a man who's sweet, gentle, stable and loving" but end up with some jerk who's two steps from being Lucifer Morningstar. From all outward appearances, women have just as hard a time as men do at making up their minds.

Now, this isn't true for all men and women- there are the exceptions here and there- and I tip my hat to them! But the majority of us end up as confused masses on a daily basis. We've got deviant behavior, STD's, spousal abuse, 53% divorce ratings... the list goes on. If we really knew what we wanted would these things be so pervasive in American society today? Probably not.

So what are we doing wrong?

I can't say for certain, but I have a guess: we're probably fooling ourselves into thinking we know what we want. Wouldn't it be fantastic to be surprised one day to find someone you never knew you wanted until he/she came up and bonked you on the head? But such are the plans of mice and men. As long as we keep trying to dictate how our love lives are going to go, we'll continue to be met with disappointment. I say that we, as a society, need to start appreciating the pleasant and harmless surprises that others can bestow upon us. Take stock in that friend you've had for six years and never thought about but know would make a good parent or spouse. Admire that coffee companion who can engage you in conversation for hours on end and still manage to go home alone, always your confidant. The people who are under your very nose might be the exact people you're meant to be with!

A friend of mine once said, "The person you end up falling in love with is usually the one you can stand to be around for more than 10 minutes." This, coming from a person who's been married for 10 years and loves it immensely. She has a hell of a good husband who isn't all that different from me as men go, so what have I been doing wrong? For me, I think I've been trying to make plans too much. I need to let life happen and see where it takes me. I need to enjoy life more, for once.

So bring on that b'ar!

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