Before we begin: Yes. I am a male, it is not a hardware problem.

I am incapable of using urinals. I will confess, I was never a great fan - For the vast majority of my life, I have eschewed the public urinal in favor of the privacy offered by a stall. I have never been much in favor of dropping trou (and undertrou) whilst standing around with other guys, some in a similar state of undress.

However. The case still stands: I have become physically incapable of using stand up urinals. I was standing at one, you see, forced by various circumstances beyond my control into it, and I could not piss. It can not be said that I didn't have to piss, for I certainly did. All the same, however, my bladder might have been as barren as the arid Sahara, my friends, the Sahara itself, for I could summon not a drop of shining golden liquid, let alone the powerful stream to which I am accustomed.

The theory, my theory, is as follows: I have, through years of conditioning in refusing to use urinals, rendered myself subconsciously unwilling, as well. Perhaps you have noticed, when you have to urinate, that it flows more freely if you lower your pants in front of a toilet than, say, your bed (note: do not try this at home)? The point is, if it is possible to condition oneself to more readily piss at a toilet than not, is not also possible to condition oneself to urinate less readily (or not at all, save in situations of desperation) when standing at a urinal? Yes, it is, I say. A thousand times, yes.

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