I guess this is nothing special, but I have to talk about it.
I've got a girlfriend
. I like her. I think I do love
her. She's nice and she's sweet and though there are some things, some manners
in her behaviour
me, I wouldn't leave
her. First of all, because it's nice to be with her, to kiss
her, to know that you've got someone who cares about you
. But also because I wouldn't want to hurt
her - I guess that's got something to do with love - and - what's most important - because I don't want to lose my social acceptance
. Not because I wouldn't have a girlfriend anymore then, but because of what my and her family could think about me.
I need social acceptance.
I can't live knowing there's someone who dislikes
me - especially when I like the person.
BEGIN - Dream Sequence
Marie (my roommate
in my student-flat) and I are in the living room
of my grandparents' house. It seems we are naked. We get some sort of intimate
, I close the curtains
. Then, suddenly, my grandparents appear. END
My old room in the flat
of my parents. I'm lying in the lower half of my elevated-bed, Marie's lying in the upper half. I stand up because of something, she sits up, wearing an open bath robe
. I do something, then go to her. She lies down again and I begin to stroke
her face and kiss her. END
END - Dream Sequence
Now, the problem
is not that I was dreaming this. I often dream stuff
like that, but normally I forget about it in the morning or I don't rate it too high. But this time, I felt like I was in love with her when I woke up. It felt so real in my dreams, it felt so damn good to kiss her
. It still feels like that.
, because I never thought of falling in love
with her. She's beautiful
, she's really nice, but she's been a friend
, a roommate all the time. And now this strange
dream that makes me feel so ... strange. Confused
Writing this didn't help much to clean up my hormone household
, but it was good for psychological first-aid
Thank you for listening.