I guess this is nothing special, but I have to talk about it.


I've got a girlfriend. I like her. I think I do love her. She's nice and she's sweet and though there are some things, some manners in her behaviour that annoy me, I wouldn't leave her. First of all, because it's nice to be with her, to kiss her, to know that you've got someone who cares about you. But also because I wouldn't want to hurt her - I guess that's got something to do with love - and - what's most important - because I don't want to lose my social acceptance. Not because I wouldn't have a girlfriend anymore then, but because of what my and her family could think about me.
I need social acceptance.
I can't live knowing there's someone who dislikes me - especially when I like the person.

BEGIN - Dream Sequence

Marie (my roommate in my student-flat) and I are in the living room of my grandparents' house. It seems we are naked. We get some sort of intimate, I close the curtains. Then, suddenly, my grandparents appear. END

My old room in the flat of my parents. I'm lying in the lower half of my elevated-bed, Marie's lying in the upper half. I stand up because of something, she sits up, wearing an open bath robe and underwear. I do something, then go to her. She lies down again and I begin to stroke her face and kiss her. END

END - Dream Sequence

Now, the problem is not that I was dreaming this. I often dream stuff like that, but normally I forget about it in the morning or I don't rate it too high. But this time, I felt like I was in love with her when I woke up. It felt so real in my dreams, it felt so damn good to kiss her. It still feels like that.
That's odd, because I never thought of falling in love with her. She's beautiful, she's really nice, but she's been a friend, a roommate all the time. And now this strange dream that makes me feel so ... strange. Confused.

Writing this didn't help much to clean up my hormone household, but it was good for psychological first-aid.
Thank you for listening.