I was waiting for Alex in a big wooden summer house with Jen, talking, and talking. It was dark outside, and then Jen goes to the window and looks outside, and we find Alex kind of naked in a robe, (looking beautiful) with Will Black and maybe a couple of other people. She has a massive plastic white dildo strapped to her, and a gigantic piece of mechanical cum is being forced out of the head. It is unclear what they were doing, but it doesn't look like they were having sex per se. It didn't seem like sex, but it was very sexual. The person was was very much Alex, but at the same time it was very much Layla.

I spent the rest of the dream basically waiting to talk to her, to tell her it was over, or whatever. She had disappeared, and a little while later I went to her room to find her packing her bags. Will Black was there, just standing there watching her pack, probably in shock that what they had together was going to be over. It didn't look like either of them wanted to talk and I was pissed that they were still together so I left them and went back through the house. I was going to wait until I could speak to her alone. As I was passing through the hall, there was a vendor selling a giant Reese's peanut butter cup for a £1.50, and another guy was selling three cupcakes for £5.00.

I left the house and almost had a slideshow presentation of what was supposed to be my real house. I saw a slide of it. It was blue, with grey stone at the bottom, and fluffy curtains surroundint the middle in a horizontal band. I heard some narration (I think it was my mom) saying the house was so cute, and had poofy curtains, like she was describing the house for a group of people. Suddenly I was there at the house and sort of in front, in a narrow courtyard that was in front of the house but not present in the mental slide show I had. I found my dad there, and then I saw his friend Jerry Feldman at the end of the courtyard, sitting on the ground and looking a little unhappy. I looked again at him and suddenly the courtyard morphed into a street, and he became Neil Stephenson. He was a bearded academic organizing things. People were milling about and I saw Cat Stevens and a couple of other academics getting ready to stage a digital protest against the war by protesting what is being done to Muslims. I knew who they were because I had read about them in one of Stephenson's books, and strangely enough I knew who he was by one of his own descriptions, as if he had been a character in one of his books. They scrambled down the street and laid a television sized box faced down on a car, and then huddled in the back of a van. The box was were my dad had been sitting earlier, and now he was standing behind me. I lifted up the box and turned it on, and it turned out to be a camera that would broadcast their message. They were sort of confused and all scrambled out the back of the van to get to ready for the broadcast (they weren't expecting to go on right then). I pointed it at the rear of the van and saw the output on its screen.

Then somehow I was back at the house. It was basically an open house, people kept moving through it and spending time there. I think various people were there from Pollock Halls, moving around with drinks in their hands. Across the street was the swing dancing society, and on the second floor a whole bunch of people in an ugly light blue were dressed with Blues Brothers hats and they put on some loud music (Zoot Suit Riot, but different) and then started dancing. There was something in the house to the right as well, but I can't remember what it was.

At the very end, there was this large group of people in the house watching a video or something, but people were moving around like at a big party. I saw somebody who looked like Liz go into the bathroom, and then somebody Asian came up to me and said "Hi!, how are you doing, Ariel" like one of those people you haven't seen in so long and you don't remember them but they remember you. I said "Fine, what have you been up to," (trying to fake conversation) and she said "No, no, I was in the ------- back in Hawaii" meaning "No, you obviously don't remember me, here's who I am". She mentioned the name of a play that I had seen in Hawaii* and the implication was that Julia was in it. The girl who looked like Liz at this point came closer and I realized it wasn't her.

Finally at the end I was getting emotionally distraught because of the waiting to say something to Alex and I went to the window where I first saw them together and I saw them together again. The odd looking guy who was next to me on the sofa said "They're saying their goodbyes". I felt ten times worse for forcing them to do that and felt like an asshole for making them break up even though I was going to be in Edinburgh for the year. Why should I stop them? I still felt amazingly shocked and betrayed (not really by seeing them together, but because she was so emotionally distant at that point, and instead of being close to me, she was close to him. I couldn't talk to her, but he had access to her. That was what killed me). So I was feeling so bad that my glass slowly slipped from my hand (at this point I'm sitting on the sofa) and I turn to lean over the armrest and the glass comes to a rest between my calves and I just hold it there. Finally I wake myself up and my legs are pressed together and I can still feel the glass between my calves.

The dream actually started out much differently, at my mother's house, though it wasn't a house I had ever seen before. The interior was of pretty modern design, and she and I and a few other people were cooking something together for a summer dinner party that we were having that evening. The strange thing was that my grandmother was there, helping us cook, and my mom and her were getting along perfectly. It felt a lot like scenes from Chocolat, when they are busily preparing for the festival and their relationship is based on the food and preparing and how good it is. Right at the end of this segment, I realized how well they were getting along, and realized how different this was from their relationship right before my grandmother died. Instead of pestering her to go out and do things, (which she should have done) my mom was interacting with her positively and constructively. I also noticed how young my grandmother looked at that point--she still had white hair and was older but still very healthy and viable. My mom was also younger--she was still middle-aged, but perhaps ten years younger. At this point I also thought how strange it was that my grandmother was alive yet I was remembering details of her relationship with my mom right before she died. How could she be alive now and yet already dead? She was wearing a pretty blue and white dress. Then it jumped to the house and the rest of the dream.

*It might have been The Actor's Nightmare. Ha ha.
She was about to go off into another room with some guy, but I grabbed her arm and pulled her back. She looked at me as if I was strange, as if she was doing nothing wrong. I hadn't seen them, but she seemed to be all over him.

I pulled her away, and we were walking, some kind of casino, and we were talking. She doesn't think our relationship can last unless we see other people, sleep with other people, some kind of open relationship. I couldn't understand why she was saying these things, but she seemed to think everything was absolutely normal.

'There's no chance for us if I want an exclusive relationship?' I asked, through tears of confusion.

'No, I don't think so.'

We continued walking, possibly in silence, possibly with me begging her to reconsider, wondering why she would be doing this and where we had gone wrong, knowing it would never be the same again.

Waking up to find her next to me, sleeping peacefully and looking so incredibly beautiful, was an incredible relief. Everything is fine, I'm in a perfect relationship with somebody I love and trust with all my heart.

It worries me, though. Why would I dream something like that?

back to October 22, 2001 | on to October 23, 2001
Does anyone else dream in the third person? It was evening, and I was strolling around one of the many small residential streets that are in my hometown with Ev and Nichols. We were discussing how in the future that Nichols and I were destined to war against one another. It seemed silly at the time to all of us, but it also had that fatalistic ring- that it was inescapable fate.

Ev noted that he wanted to conduct another experiment, and instructed Nichols to grab me. I ran, giggling, not sure what he meant until they caught up with me in my neighbor's backyard. When we reunited, Ev announced he was going to investigate the future, and instructed both Nichols and myself to stand back-to-back and link elbows. We did so, and Nichols leaned forward, hoisting me into the air- apparently an established method of time travel, as my body suddenly erupted with blue squiggly light and I vanished.

When I came to, I found myself in Nichols's bedroom- I knew it was so because he's the only one I know with the Time of Thin Blood book, displayed prominently in one of his dorm shelves- and then turned around to see his bed. Unsurprisingly, he was just rousing from consciousness, looking a bit older; surprisingly, he also had a girl sleeping beneath the sheets, too. When he came to, he instantly jumped on me verbally, demanding to know what the hell I was doing in there; I defended myself as best I could, trying not to make reference to the fact that I was time travelling. My time, so to speak, was apparently up, as I then suddenly found myself hurtling back through time and space.

The other two guys were there, looking at me expectantly. I said nothing, and linked elbows with Nichols once more to send him into the future.

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