The designated spatula is a position of power among the drinking elite. It usually goes hand-in-hand with designated driver, but is usually reserved for those who are physically sturdy and mentally prepared for the task of caring for drunks.

The spatula has a few additional duties than a strict designated driver. First and foremost, it's the spatula's job to care for the drunkest of the drunks:those who can barely (or can't) stand up. Therefore, the spatula must be physically capable (or have enough other people around) that he or she can pluck people from the floor and get them to a car. This person should also know the signs of alcohol poisoning, as dealing with people at this stage of drunkenness can take some medical knowledge.

Bottom line : If someone's passed out and you can't get them to wake back up, get an ambulance. Medical bills are better than dead friends.

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