Handy phrases to ignite a Christian.

This virgin birth stuff. You do know that's not possible, don't you?

If God is everywhere, why is a Church the House of God? He wouldn't fit.

Never trust a man who wears a dress for a living.

Y'know, if history had been slightly different, you might be a Barabbite. All it would have taken was for 'em to nail up the other bloke.

Walking on water is sensible. People used to crap straight into that lake.

So, you don't think the loaves and fishes thing was because he was some cheap Jewish guy then?

He'd have trouble holding a ball-bearing these days.

I refuse to worship anyone whose name is something you say when you hit your thumb with a hammer.

Let who into my life?

Ye cannae change the laws of physics. Especially not if you're a dead bloke in a loincloth.

and at the eleventh hour He cried out saying 'Eli Eli, lama sabachthani?'. And at half-past the eleventh hour He took a Diet Coke break.

Transubstantiation of the Host? Isn't that when you throw a party and turn into a baboon?

Excuse me while i piss in the font.

History is full of devout Christians. Like, er, Rodrigo Borgia, Pope Gregory the Ninth, Tomas de Torquemada, Attila the Hun, oh, the list is endless...

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