Bad Sistuh is in college in Wisconsin.
She is invited to her cousin's in the nearby state of Montagan for Thanksgiving. She travels by bus to Cousin Stuff's.
Stuff is her oldest maternal cousin. He's not all that much older but he is very mature.
Stuff's parents have recently divorced, after being married for a million years. Stuff is very brave and he and his wife Dove have invited both parents to Thanksgiving. Stuff's sister Alpha is there as well.
Uncle Phphddd welcomes Bad Sistuh and glares at Aunt Kondry. They all sit down to dinner.
Uncle Phphddd reaches for the rolls.
"I don't have to put up with him not waiting for things to be passed," trills Aunt Kondry.
Uncle Phphddd lifts out of his chair and snags the butter, long arms half way down the table. "I don't have to be nagged any more." he growls.
"Uh," says Bad Sistuh brightly, "Well, cousin Alpha, are you job hunting already?"
"Yes," says Alpha quickly, "I have sent three applications!"
The whole dinner is like that. At last Uncle Phphddd makes noises about going home. Standing up, he starts to put on his jacket and rips the lining.
"Look, you've torn another thing!" says Aunt Kondry. "Careless!"
Uncl Phphddd shoves his arm into the jacket, shredding the lining, "You have no idea what's important!" They leave within a few minutes of each other.
Stuff, Dove, Alpha and Bad Sistuh go to the living room, all silent. Avoiding each other's eyes. They all stare down at the rug.
Bad Sistuh says, "Weren't they horrible?"
And then they all look at each other and howl. "And you kept saying inane things every time they started fighting!" says Stuff.
"I know. Gosh, how about them uh, Montagan football players?"
"Like any of us care about football!!!"
"Hasn't the weather been fine?"
"And it's snowing and 5 below!!"
"I thought it was better to play totally dumb and oblivious, but I couldn't think of what to say."
"You did a great job!"
They play bite the bag. They set a paper bag open on the floor. Each person has to bend over and lift the bag by biting it. No hands. After each round they cut an inch or two off the bag, so it gets shorter and shorter. The rounds go on. Alpha wins and they all keep howling about the awful Thanksgiving.
"Come again, Bad Sistuh!"
"Sure," says Bad Sistuh, "Anytime you need a dumb cousin to break the tension, I'm in! We have to stand up for each other! Bite the bag!"