I spent the last year pining for you, missing you.

When I finally found you again, the words that flowed from my lips were almost empty in a sad, sort of beautiful way. The things I’d planned I’d always say to you and had never gotten the chance to were forgotten and everything became anew.

Aphasia is the loss of ability to speak, or understand speech.

I spent a year waking up each day wondering what was missing. I spent all that time knowing I’d lost something so important, but didn’t figure out what it was ‘til I was half way through with the year.

I realized it was you.

All these lies and secrets we tell each other are mostly out of habit; trying to justify mistakes we’ve made in the past.

And for some reason I’ll never be able to live without you, yet I’ll never be able to live up to you either. You never understand just how smart you are – the fact that you graduated high school valedictorian at sixteen is a pretty big feat to accomplish. I know you better than anyone, and you know you’re too hard on yourself.

I can still remember standing in an open field, watching the sun reflect off your eyes. When I got closer to you I could see myself in them, and for the first time I was at peace with myself.

I never understood how everything you say always seems to make sense. The way you seem to twist words around ever so slightly to make them seem like new words and thoughts to me. The way my mind seems to grow whenever I’m around you.

Have you ever seen your reflection in mine?

I can still remember lying next to you, falling asleep in your arms. I asked you to tell me something sweet and you told me I am your soul mate.

You told me once that I am your guardian angel. I feel like that way too. I spend more time protecting you than I do myself. I’m more worried about you dying than I am myself.

I told you once that there is a space between your shoulders where your wings used to be.

I had forgotten why I had left you, and then it all came back to me at once, like a flood of thought raining down all over me, covering me in an icy cold.

I was scared.

You were the most amazing person I’ve ever met in my life…

Of being with the same person for the rest of my life.

There are some things we think we will never say, and we think if we say them we will never be able to mean them.

I held a mirror outside in a grassy field and looked into my eyes.

Some things change.

I could see my reflection in my own eyes, and it made me remember that one moment.

We met on a street, surrounded by gutter punks and old friends.

I fell for you hard that day, spent the night thinking of you, the next day calling you, the years to come loving you.

I know that you are mine.
My soul mate, that is. I don’t think I ever told you that again.

And Honey…
The way you play guitar makes me feel so… Makes me feel so masochistic.

The way you go down low, bending the strings down, down, down into an oblivion. Into a million songs wrapped into one, the sludgy mind-bending melodic sadness that seems to echo from your fingers.

The way you play guitar makes me feel so… Makes me feel so sadistic.

The way you seem to be so high up, the way your fingers flow over strings, unraveling things you would never be able to say with words.

The way you smile when you look up at me.

The way you hold me.

And we never let each other go.

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