My life has kind of been in a
whirl the last day or so, but now there's that thought in the back of my mind that I just know it's going to be okay. I know that I'm going to be okay. And that's never really been there before. I've never really been so sure of that.
I'm okay when everything is not okay. And it's true.
I know that I have friends. Even if they might not be
the best of friends or the closest of friends or the friends I don't even talk to in more than riddles. But they're friends, and I know that they care about me, even the ones that never really say so.
I took a long walk last night. A walk around my neighborhood, something I haven't done in years. I didn't put my contacts on and I didn't bring my glasses, and I couldn't see a thing. It was just kind of nice to walk
without having to see anything. It was a walk I needed because I was
fighting myself. Fighting my selves that have always been there and the ones I put away and the one I am now.
I have a strange fear of dogs. Once,
when I was little, I was petting this stray dog with a friend of mine. He seemed to enjoy it and I was happy. I don't know what happened, but he suddenly jumped on me and started growling. I got so scared I ran down the street and even when I knew he was out of view
I couldn't stop running. I ran and I ran until I couldn't run anymore. I crawled into a bush and I sat there for hours crying.
All the dogs were barking as I took this walk. And all I could think of is that
I wished a dog would come out and kill me then, an irrational thought. I just kept hoping and I wasn't afraid. But as I began to walk back towards my house and the dogs barked even louder I couldn't bear it anymore. I ran and I ran and I didn't stop until I got home. Because
I'd won that fight and I didn't want the dogs to come out and claw me anymore.