Jennifer,
Look first of all Im sorry I wrote that email. I was being rash and its alot easier to tell someone off that way than to their face, so I took the easy way out. It was spiteful and Im never going to do something like that
again.
I know you told me to never associate with you in any way and I respect that. I wont try to talk to either of you if you wish, I just have something to say. I was trying to talk to you the other night and I thought we were getting along, I thought we could put everything past us and forget. But I guess you don't want to. I want nothing more than to live in the present. Jesse was a wonderful part of my past that I have to forget now. It hurts me
very much that you would accuse me of all those things, like going on his screen name and etc, because I didnt. I wouldnt do that to him, I still wouldnt. He has said some very cold-hearted things to me and I'm not going to
retaliate because its not worth it to me.
I hope that you and Jesse work things out, I really do. I admit that there was a point at which I didnt want you to be with him because I wanted him still, but there was also a point at which I realized he wanted to be with you. He wanted me sexually but he wanted you emotionally. We both got a raw deal there, hmm. Maybe things wont work out with you and him, maybe so. You're right, its no longer my concern, so it doesnt really matter to me whether you do or not I suppose.
I have never lied or "bullshitted" you. Everything I told you was true, I guess you have no reason to believe me but you have no reason not too, either. I dont know why you chose to write that email to me now, but you know
that me and Jesse had done something since those five times. This is not news to you, or to anyone, so its not like I am telling you to keep you apart or to spite him.
I did want to be friends with him still because me and him had a special kind of connection that I thought we could maintain, even though he had you. We only messed around because our relationship has been like that ever since we became close in May, and its hard to break a habit I guess. But there wont be any of that, so if you decide to forget everything and get back with him that is no longer a worry.
About the topic of sex, I heard that you and him had sex, which he wont tell me but whatever. I never said that you had an STD, I just told him that since you had messed around and had sex with other guys before Jesse, I had to be concerned about my safety since I was going down on Jesse and I could get something if you didnt know that those guys were clean, and you had gotten something without knowing. Im sure Jesse told you that so you would take it the wrong way, but I am telling the truth about that.
I am not being nice here because I want something from you. I do not expect you to trust me or like me, in fact what you wrote is probably how you always will feel about me. I just want to say no hard feelings from me. Im
not taking the moral higher ground and trying to make you look like a bitch. But this is how I choose to deal with everyone now. The thing with Jesse taught me that its not worth it to hurt others, because I know what its like
to be hurt. So Im hoping that by minimizing others pain I can minimize my own. So do what you want, but if you guys want to hurt me anymore just please save yourselves the time and my the pain and leave me alone.
It saddens me that we couldnt have been friends. Or at least have not gotten so out of hand. I know that I didnt make any effort to make things better at any point and messing around with your b/f jesse didnt help, but at
those points I didnt really care. I figured that if anyone should have cared it would have been him. He did, but he just doesnt think about things at the time. Well now I do care. I know that being cheated on sucks and no one
should do that to anyone. I hope that you have never cheated on Jesse, but that is your business.
Well anyway I must be going, its almost midnight and I have a term paper to write. I hope that writing that horrible email didnt make you feel better about anything, but I know that writing this one makes me feel better. I can finally move on with my life which Im sure youre more than happy about.
Sincerely
Ashley