Bones like girders,
Erected in the dark.
Drafted within coil
Perfect and true.
This is the house that will shelter,
The vessel that will sail.
This is the manifestation through
Which I will give my love to you.
O how I love
Your perfect form.
But who, tell me who
Is this yet unknown to me,
The real form and substance
Of this new reality?
I leave it to you,
what you yet do not know.
And the art you create,
I await you to show. - me
The doctor's office isn't very often a good place to be. Today Jen and I had our first really good look at the little baby growing inside her. This is one of those times you can say are very good.
For some reason I had this compulsion to make sure all the parts were there. (Oh, good, so we know there's at least one eye now...) They were, and of course we confirmed what we already knew. This kid is damned healthy, and strong too!
The technician was very competent and professional. I appreciate that. We were very comfortable and relaxed through the whole thing. It doesn't occur to a lot of people how essential good staff are to an experience like this.
So the little one is female. No question about that. The equipment was plenty visible and unambiguous in the picture. I'm not surprised at my general lack of emotional response to the discovery. Honestly, my paradigm shift of the last few years is not just a show. Without illusions, I know that our child's sex bears little relevance to anything that matters.
I noticed something interesting upon the revelation, though. My sister-in-law, who was in the room with us, seems to be more at ease in talking about the baby now that she knows what it "is." Her first words: "She sure is beautiful!" The pronouns "she" and "her" have immediately sprung into usage.
This is when I lament the woeful inadequacy of the English language. Gender segregation is institutionalized in language. There is no escaping that in the near future. I am tired of people scoffing at the search for neutral grammar as useless and futile. I vow to be conscious and judicious while limited by our conventions of speech.
The immensity of a life in its beginnings is not lost on me. I am a forward guard, setting up a perimeter to defend the vulnerable child that will have to fight...fight to stay unique, aware and open. I am truly lucky.