11:45pm
Bad day today. I didn't do anything at work. I was in a good mood until lunch. We went to Friday's, and I don't know if it was the conversation we had there or the music I listened to on the way there and back that put me back into my depressed mood. I stayed that way until going to the gym. Maybe I should go to the gym in the morning, so I will be in a better mood all day.
Tonight was pool night and I was trying to decide whether to go or not, but I was not asked by CR if I was going tonight, so I was thinking about not going. On my way home I decided I would go ahead and go, but then when I passed my exit on the interstate I changed my mind again. So in the end I didn't go. Sara wasn't going to be there, but J was. I'm sure by now he knows that I know about the whole situation. Since I wasn't in a good mood, it was probably not a good idea for me to go anyway.
I cleaned up my apartment a little when I got home from the gym. It's good to have energy afterwards. Actually I feel more alert and awake after the gym than the whole rest of the day. I need to get my brother to be a little more interested in keeping stuff clean. I hid a bunch of silverware since we don't need that much in the drawer; having a bunch of silverware just encourages him to use a new fork or spoon rather than washing one.
I'm feeling somewhat ok now. This depression trend has got to end sometime though. I've even been serious considering some psychotherapy or mild drugs. A small dose of MDMA even sounds like a good short term solution; at least I'd have some good days. I don't know. Being a special person to someone special themselves was such a good feeling, and I miss it now. I don't know how to get it back.
A big fuck you to goes out to all of those cowards who downvote nodes without a /msg as to why.