Last night, I met with my ex and we talked for about 2 hours and I finally told him what he needed to hear: my feelings for you have changed. He was relieved and Iguess I was too. I felt worse too, because I realized just how much I really love this guy. How can you love some one so much and not be in love with them? I don't understand it. It's so much more complicated than I originally thought. I wanted to make love but wisely did not. That would have killed me. So I kissed him instead when he took me home. I went inside my house, got ready for bed and lit five candles, three white purity, one purple passion and one black one evil?. I forget what black means.
I miss him so much today I just can barely stand it. I saw him for a few minutes, and I hugged and kissed him. He was obviously very happy, probably because it's quite obvious to everyone that I still love him. I went out thrift shopping with two friends and cried the whole way there and the whole way back. It really sucks. I want him to be different than he is right now - I think he is already changing. I just have to wait and see what happens.