"… I asked him what it was like to love someone from afar as he did, whether it was enough. 'It is heavenly, and shouldn't the heavenly be enough?'"

"Hommage a Bournonville", From Tales of the Night
Peter Hoeg


Is the question asked in the title true?

This question was brought to my attention in the place where many good nodes start, This American Life, on a episode titled simply "Crush" (air date: February 11, 2000).  Ira Glass starts the show discussing crushes with a high school senior, and her conclusion is a lot of the time a crush is better.

It was an interesting point of view because this flies-in-the-face of the spirit of America.  In American mythology you are supposed to go out and get it.  To move west young man.  To go for your manifest destiny.  And if someone has done what you want to do before, who gives a shit?

But I think I tend to agree with the girl Ira talked to, at least in part.  When it comes to relationships, so few of them work out, or work out for a long enough time to be really valuable.  Sometimes it is better to have a crush from a far, to hold that ideal, for a little while at least.  The problem though is, what if the one you could be truly happy with is standing there and you decide to stay away?

So my suggestion is this:  Don't rush into a relationship.  Hold that ideal picture for a few moments.  Enjoy it.  That way if the person is an asshole at least you have gotten something out of it.  If that person is wonderful, then you still have (for the most part anyway) that ideal.

Log in or registerto write something here or to contact authors.