What the fuck is wrong with me?
.. I seem to be losing it. A combination of isolation, guilt, grief, loss of control, and just being too damn tired. I feel like I am going to loose it soon. I am not gonna off myself or anything, I just really don't know what my next move
with will be.
There is no one I can let totally inside. Not because I don't want to, but because I don't know how. I try, but it just comes out wrong. I'm screwed. I'm crying. I'm silent.
Maybe I have them all fooled? Maybe I can fool myself. Am I broken? Do I wish for it? What am I screaming for? What am I missing?
Part of me feels that it is more than acceptable to fall apart if I was thinner, or prettier.. I know I am not worthless, but maybe if I was just worth more..