15:26
Today I received an another book for studying for the universities' entrance exams. I actually had a copy of it already, but they are saying only last year's edition is acceptable. Fine. I have far too much money in my hands anyway. (yes, attempting to be sarcastic again...)
This, in combination with an extremely boring workday, once again brought silly thoughts in my mind.
Sometimes I want to shake my fist and scream obscenities at whatever supreme being conglomerate is manufacturing this organic machine called human. Especially at the department responsible of the gray matter inside my skull.
When I passed through the assembly line, how come they didn't install any talent? Or was it an accessory too overpriced to my ancestors' heritage?
Sorry for the bitches and moans, but sometimes it sucks to see all my gifted friends fighting off companies bombing them with job offers, promising even higher pay and more enjoyable work than they already have. And here I am, studying until my eyes hurt just so I could get into an university. And unlike my father thinks, simply getting accepted into a school doesn't immediately make me a high-earning professional. I barely could finish lukio, and although my motivation has improved significiantly the world of higher education has good chances to crush me into a pancake.
Some say that in years to come the ones who have entered the fast lane with only their natural ability and not much education will be replaced by more patient people who have completed their schooling. Perhaps I should be happy about this, but I still think it is wrong to judge someone completely by his/her diploma instead of what they can really do. This seems to be the case with anyone who doesn't have really exceptional skills in their field.
Ultimately the whole seems to be a lose-lose situation, but as far as I can see the only real option is to go with the flow and try not to fall too far behind.
I need to form up a steady studying schedule and follow it precisely. While the chances of me getting accepted are one in a million, I will not just crawl into a hole and die.
A Japanese friend of mine is just having similar exams, and she told me to expect her being very depressed for a long while if the tests don't go well. While I understand that the society puts a whole different level of pressure on students in Nihon, I still stay on my position that no matter what, there is more to life than studying.
So if I'll fail, don't worry. It will not be the end of the world. And you won't see any more whining in my day logs than usual. :)
22:44
I'm taking a break from my pleasant stoned state to inform you that simonc is an extremely great fellow. Really.
That's all, I'm not good at noding under the influence.
The HTML tags look funny.
And don't take what I said in my first entry too seriously.. I can be such a silly melodramatic whiner sometimes.