10.8.03
14.00
Bjork
Big Time Sensuality LP
"Do you have a minute for
Greenpeace?" they ask me, yes, I do, I have both a minute and money in my wallet, but I have not the desire to stop and talk to you, though I appreciate your efforts.
Is that wrong of me?
Am I supposed to feel
guilty because I recognize the goodness of one's efforts but seek neither to emulate or support them? Am I not allowed to do
my own thing, on my own time?
Since I was 12
she has been telling me to
volunteer.
I don't want to volunteer.
Volunteering is great. It is rewarding, it makes people happy and improves the world. My time is the most precious thing I have, and sharing it makes the world a better place.
I know.
I just don't want to do it.
Why?
Because I am a
selfish, lazy punk of a kid.
I've volunteered in the
past. I'll probably volunteer again in the future.
But now…
Now it is time for me to do
my own thing.
I no longer have to fill out college application where I have to say that I volunteered in order to make me
look like a nice, friendly, caring young lad. I don't have parents telling me I
should give back because I have so much, because I am so lucky.
I am lucky.
I know it.
Thank you.
Thank you random spinning wheel of births, thank you
god, thank you everything.
But I am not going to
volunteer.
I am not going to give away my
money (even if it is a
tax break). I am not going to spend even
an hour a week meeting with
people who have similar interests of improving the world, or showing up to a
place] with people who have a genuine need for assistance.
I want to do
my own thing first.
I didn't know all
the world had to offer.
Now I am
starting to see it.
And I want to see it for myself.
I want to
explore and learn and
learn and learn and explore and
experience.
But
I can't do it all.
And I can't do it all now.
I must sacrifice.
It is the
nature of
life.
Compromise,
sacrifice, be
disappointed, that's what we
humans do.
And so that is what
I will do.
And I won't feel guilty. And I won't think of the
shoulds of my parents, religion, society, or self.
I will think simply of the now. And the future.
And what I am
trying to do.
I will volunteer
one day. I will do good for the world
one day. (I do
little things everyday.) I will help out those who want it.
One day.
But that one day will not be this year.
So in the
meantime, I thank you for your efforts, but please leave me
alone or just don't look at me
like that when I say no.
14.12