It's come to my attention recently (I was probably straight at the time), that many beginners don’t have the foggiest idea about the finer intricacies of pot etiquette. If you’re at the point where you have permanent brown indents on your thumb and index finger, this node’s probably not for you.
But for those of you who are new to the wide, wide world of marijuana, pay special attention to this node. It may just save your life! (Well, ok, probably not, but it will definitely save you much embarrassment with the older crowd.) And while I don’t necessarily condone younger kids smoking, I do have a thing about doing it properly.
We need to look at the whole in parts. So firstly, let's start with:
First cardinal rule of pot rolling:
He who paid for the pot, has first dibs on who lights the joint, regardless of who rolled it. While there are exceptions to this rule (which we’ll get into in a moment), this is generally the given.
Cardinal rule #2:
If you can’t roll, don’t fake it. You’re not going to fool anyone with a stubbie. You will however, piss everyone off. Especially if it’s the end of the baggie.
If the roller is not the owner, the roller must offer it to the owner for first light. It is generally common courtesy for the owner to inspect the joint, possibly even comment on it, then pass it back to the roller to light. This is not mandatory, as it was (s)he who got off their ass in the first place to get the cash to pay for the pot, and if they want to light it, so be it. But generally, it is done this way.
If (s)he who paid for the pot rolled it as well, then generally he’ll spark it up, but may, if it’s a really nice roll, show it off first. Warning: Don’t boast too much because it just makes people cranky if they have to wait too long for you to light the damn thing. So show it off and spark it up.
Some folks (especially if your from the East coast where Hashish is much more prevalent) like to add a little bit of tobacco to a joint. Do NOT do this if it’s not your pot without asking the owner first. I cannot stress this enough. Even if you are the owner, proper etiquette says that you should ask the others in the group if this is acceptable. However, it is, your pot after all. All I can say is that if you’re going to put tobacco in regardless, at least warn everyone else.
Speaking of Easterners, because hashish is common in the East, many of us have made a habit of putting a filter made up of a thin strip of cardboard into the joint for easier burning. This is recommended regardless of what you’re smoking. Just take a small strip of cardboard, roll it up and stick it into the end. The filter should not be more than 1 cm (1/3 of an inch for those of you down South). Some people don’t like to use filters as it doesn’t give you much of a roach to save, so once again, if it ain’t your pot, ask first.
Cardinal rule #3:
A JOINT IS NOT A MICROPHONE!!!
For some reason, people feel that they must tell you their life history as soon as the joint is handed to them. This is an extreme no-no. Everyone understands that some people can only get others to listen to them if they’re center stage. That’s fine and dandy. Just find another way to do it. Talking while everyone else is standing around waiting for you to pass the damn joint will not win friends and influence people. It will, (you guessed it) PISS THEM OFF! Whatever it is you need to say can wait. Provided it’s not “holy shit man! Your shoe’s on fire!” (But this generally only happens when smoking hash because of the bits that fall off when smoking in the wind). If this does happen, it is definitely ok to say something at this point.
If there’s a run in the joint, fix it. But DON’T goober all over the thing. There is nothing grosser than getting the entire dube slick. A small amount of saliva will suffice. If you don’t think you can handle it, pass the joint when finished, but for heaven’s sake, let the next person know that there’s a run in it. No doubt he’ll see it anyway, but this way you show that you’re smart enough to know what a run is. Add a little surprise in your voice and it will appear as if you just noticed it. You’ll save a lot of face with this. People hate people who don’t fix runs.
Ahh, passing, or the art thereof. While trying to explain how to pass off a joint properly is beyond the scope of this simple node, who to pass to can be just as important (provided you’re not standing in a field of manure, in which case, how is much more important than who. Anyway, I digress… (must be the pot).
Ok, so here it is. If you bought it and rolled it, pass to your best friend first. After that, it’s out of your hands (literally). Generally it will follow in the direction that it started in (unless there’s a drop dead hot girl on the other side of the circle, in which case it will go directly to her)… Then again, fuck your best friend and just pass it straight to her. If you rolled, but didn’t pay for it, you MUST pass it to the purchaser. If you’re just somewhere in the middle of all this, consider yourself lucky and just keep the order going.
Why is who it goes to so important? Simply because, and this depends upon how many of you there are, someone always loses out on the last toke. While this in general sucks, it really bites if you’re the one and you paid for it! This brings us to another issue:
How many tokes do I take at a time?
This is trickier then it seems. There are so many factors to take into account. Firstly, how many people in the group? How big is the dube? Is there a bag o’ plenty, or is it the only dube? If you take too much, someone loses out and you look like the fool. If you take too little, there may not be another round, and you lose out. So what to do? Well, hopefully you were good at math before you dropped out of school to smoke pot all the time. If so, use basic algebra. D x P / T=???? Still confused? Me too. Just take a good set of tokes and pass the damn thing.
No matter how small the roach, whether there’s a filter or not, you MUST pass it to the next guy. Let him be the one to snuff it out, or eat it, or whatever the Hell it is you guys (and girls) do with your roaches. Just make sure you’re not the one to make the call (unless of course, it’s your dube to begin with).
These rules may seem extreme, or bizarre, or both. Doesn’t matter. Follow them and in no time people will be flocking to your door to smoke you up. Guaranteed. Trust me.