A funnelator is essentially a giant slingshot. Although I believe there was/is a product which uses this as a trade name, when I was in college we used it to refer to our homemade version. Funnelators are extremely handy for maintaining longstanding feuds with groups in neighboring buildings.

How to Build a Funnelator

NOTE! I take absolutely no responsibility for what you do with this information. You will most likely hurt someone, and there's a nonzero probability that that someone will be you. If caught, you will likely be arrested. DON'T BE STUPID. Don't get caught.

You will need:

Okay. First, poke two holes in the sides of the plastic funnel, just below the rim. They should be around 1 cm in diameter. Try not to weaken the rim of the funnel itself. Then cut the tubing into two sections of around eight feet each. Loop each section of the tubing through one of the holes, and then fasten (securely) both ends of each section to the top (one end) of each of the handles. I strongly recommend taking the time to either drill through a wooden handle and pass the cord through and then tie it, or at least cut a good groove in the handle for the cord to lie in and screw some sort of retainer to the top of the handle so the cord can't slip over it.

Procure a supply of water balloons.

Have two assistants plant themselves firmly facing the target, perhaps four feet apart, each holding a handle ahead of them (towards the target) and just above their inside shoulder with the funnel midway between them. Place a water balloon (a full one, natch) in the funnel, and, holding it there with one hand, pull back on the funnel's 'tail' while walking backwards. When you've reached the rough strength limit of the tubing, your friends, or yourself, release the funnel.

If you did this right, the water balloon with go arcing out to some amazingly cool distance. This can be used for surprise aerial water bombardment (sometimes over the next building, yielding high anonymity), or for direct dueling with another team. Make sure that any people in the line of fire are far enough away that they won't get smacked on the noggin with a full-speed shot; it should be arcing back down. Also, be sure to use thin-walled balloons so as to minimize impact.

One of my roomies in college was intent on using one of these (with those little hand-grenade painted balloons) to waterbomb then-President of the U.S. George Bush Sr. when he came to speak at our campus. Flight tests had proven that we could get a balloon across the street, over the top of the Neo-Grecian building there, and into the plaza on the far side where he would be speaking, despite the intervening building being roughly twice as tall as our house. It took several of us patiently explaining to him that were he to even attempt this he would be likely shot by the Secret Service to convince him not to try.

Not that it wouldn't have been a beautiful sight, however.

Naturally, I strongly discourage the use of anything like this when a national leader is in town. Oh, and from other experimentation, chocolate syrup-filled balloons can and will take out windows, which will create a spectacular mess. Thicker-walled waterballoons will too. One of these devices (the funnelator, not the chocoloon) was responsible for one of the better thesis quotes of my senior year: "We were just sitting there watching TV, and all of a sudden BANG, water, glass, everywhere!"

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