Since Australia seems to look up to the U.S. like an adoring younger brother (whose elder sibling can do no wrong, apart from spit on him occasionally), our latest (as of early 2000) progressive social/justice policies involve zero tolerance, juvenile mandatory sentencing, and the like. We endeavour to be five or so years behind the rest of the world in terms of our adoption of stupid ideas. But we make up for lost time by really tackling the task with imbecilic fervour.

I did stupid things when I was younger. Petty vandalism, public intoxication, shop stealing, running naked through public places, indulging my really dodgy fashion sense; that's an incomplete list. Nearly all the hurt I caused could be measured in monetary terms (I could never get into the more acceptable practises of beating up people smaller than me, touching women's bits without permission, and drunken hooning in cars).

Eventually (rather suddenly actually), I just stopped doing those things. I think it had something to do with becoming less of a boring, selfish asshole. Now I'm just boring and selfish. Of course, I would be a much better person today if zero tolerance policies had come to the rescue and forced me to change my ways much earlier. After my first public vomiting fit, and second episode of stealing a street sign, I would probably have been jailed for the purpose of rehabilitation. After my sweet teen ass was formally introduced to its institutional social life "ben ova mate, or we'll reelly fugyouup!", complete and absolute rehabilitation would of course have been guaranteed. Naturally, I would have been able to resist the smack, speed and whatever that get pumped through the sick nervous systems of prisons everywhere. Why would I need drugs ... I'd be happy enough wouldn't I?

When (if) I was released from jail, with my obviously enhanced social and vocational skills ... finding employment would be a dream! Naturally, it wouldn't be anything funking legal ... and I would really feel like beating twelve colours of blood out of someone. Anyone. Rehabilitation complete.