It's not. It's not rude to do a nice thing for someone because you respect or like them. For example, I open doors for elderly people - of either gender, hold doors open for people that are passing through them at the same time as I am out of common courtesy, and open doors or give up my seat for friends.

Unfortunately, it is the case more often than not that when I hold the door open for a man, he will grab the handle out of my hand and stand there looking foolish until I precede him through it. That is the height of rudeness - to reject a polite gesture so flippantly because of some sort of archaic idea of chivalry. It's the kind of chivalry that isn't.

On a more general note, a woman at the bank or the entrance to the canteen doesn't know if a man holding the door open for her is being nice to her as a person, or "correct" (according to his own ideas of correctness) to her as a woman. And yes, there is a problem with the second case - because doing nice things for someone chiefly because of their gender is just the flip side of doing nasty things to them for the same reason. And that is a very raw area for many women - particularly in the workplace - today.

My suggestion would be that the safest thing to do (and the nicest!) would be not to run forward and swing the door open in her face, but rather to pass through it and discreetly hold it open behind you for a second or two, so that she gets all the effect of having the door held open for her without the unpleasant side effects of pompous "manners".

Is there something wrong with good manners now?

It's never rude to open a door for anyone, male or female. Whether or not someone chooses to make a big deal of it is a fine indicator or exactly how petty a person they are. If I keep you on low wages just because you happen to be a woman, I'm a chauvanist pig and I deserve to be treated as such. If I open a door for you, be grateful. If you open a door for me, I certainly will be.

If you think little things are just symptoms of bigger things that's fair enough . But opening a door? Getting agitated about something so minor is the sign of someone who has too much time or too little sense of proportion.

A good case for equality - which is a fine thing - ruined by stupid overreaction.

Gentlemen, you are welcome to hold the door open for me; in fact, feel free to wait on me hand and foot or worship me as a goddess.

And while you're at it, you can promote me according to my level of competence, give me equal pay for comparable work, and accord me the respect that is due to a professional of either sex.

If you are unable or unwilling to do all of the above in the workplace, I'll be happy to settle for equal pay. I'm not totally unreasonable.

Okay guys, this is what I learned is proper protocol when I was sent to *rolls her eyes*charm school. Being the daughter of a high ranking Air Force officer I was submitted to this torture three times in my life. I was a reluctant student to say the least.

The lady signals the gentleman that she would like the door opened for her by pausing, looking at the gentleman and smiling. The gentleman thus has a pleasantly clear signal that she would love to have the door opened for her! Of course then the lady is to thank him verbally in a pleasant tone of voice. If I am rushed at the door I smile in surprise and profusely thank the door holder. Using common sense, it is reasonable to conclude, that they wish to be helpful. Feminism is mistaken to think that these people intend in some way to be rude.

I enjoy a man opening the door for me, it becomes a pleasant and looked forward to event, rather than a battle of wills.

I open the door for people if I arrive at it first. I expect the same to be done for me. If a guy refuses to enter a door I open for him, I do consider that annoying. I understand the idea of chivalry, but don't waste my time. Other than trying to do nice things for people, the reason why I open my own door.. is because I am going somewhere. I don't have the time to waste playing "No, you go first."

Screw you, feminists! You're not going to take romance out of my life. I'm going to keep on opening doors for women, because they are women. I'm going to keep on bringing women flowers on dates. I'm going to continue being romantic, and none of that feminist bullshit is going to stop me.
If I go out with you, and give you my jacket because you're cold, and you label me as a chauvinist pig, you can kiss my chauvinistic ass.

What is wrong with you? Go ahead, kill chivalry. Just because I open a door for a woman because of her gender doesn't mean I don't respect her (in fact the opposite), or that I will pay her less than a man. It does mean, however, that I see her as different from a man. Yes, I admit it - I am gender biased - I want to make love only to women. I treat women differently accordingly.
All you feminists who don't get it - I pity you. Open your mind. YOU are the ones with the stereotypes about men who open doors for women. Maybe some day you'll learn where to focus your attention in the battle, and not deprive yourselves of your femininity or kill romance by it.


This node was a mistake. However, I promised not to remove it in Footprints begs forgiveness. However you wish to vote this, please go there.

This, word for word, occurred earlier tonight outside a local Friendly's.

The people involved:
--Me
--Brad (known for not being particularly tactful)
--Craig
--Craig's girlfriend Deb

An employee was outside holding the door open for customers.

Me: Thank you. (as I passed inside)
Brad: Thanks.
Deb: .....
Craig:: Thank you.

Craig (once we got inside, half-whispering to Deb): Way not to say thank you, Deb...
Deb: He's a stranger, why should I say thank you to him holding a door open for me? After all, I'm a girl.
Brad: I donno, maybe because it's simply being polite? See how far you get in life expecting things to get done for you just because you're a girl. So much for equality, I guess.

Deb got really indignant and didn't talk to Brad for the rest of the night.
I've never had a woman say thank you after I've held the door open for her. Even further, when I do this for women with their husbands in tow, their husband is the one who thanks me. From this behavior I suppose they thought that this was something that all men are supposed to do, so therefore I should not expect any acknowledgement for it.

I don't know Lometa, charm school or whatever it is they're calling it these days should be mandatory for both sexes. Boys/men can be somenasty, evil, and rude mofo's too. It could only help right? We all need to learn where and when to say please and thank you and all that other courteous stuff. However, that pause, look and smile thing may give people the wrong impression.

My ex-gf did the charm school thing. I never heard her say please when I didn't prompt her, or even thank you in the three years we were together. I guess since we were sleeping together there wasn't a need for any of those formalities. She ordered and I was supposed to obey without question. Is that what they teach in those places?

The question here is why some girls will haul off and kick a guy in the valuables for holding the door open. I'm glad to say that those instances seem to be decreasing over time, but it still happens sometimes. I think I know why, and it's the classic source of trouble between the sexes (hell, between humans...)

Miscommunication.

There are two very different reasons to open a door for someone.

1) If they are very weak, or old, or burdened, or sick, or tired, or drunk, or whatever. If that person seems physically incapable of opening the door, it's considered kind and courteous to hold it open. (Please note that even though I am an objectivist (little 'o'), and also reject the social contract, I still do the above every time the opportunity arises; I see no contradiction there.) This his how some women always see it, as if the guy thinks she is weak or incapable of opening a bloody door. I can see how that would be offensive, I really can. I also think that that's not how it's usually meant.

2) This is a bit complex, but it's how I understand my desire to hold doors open for my gf. I respect her. I am constantly amazed by her, by her talents, by her capabilities, by her wit and strength. I am bigger and stronger than she is (though not grossly so), yet I still realize that she is perfectly capable of opening that door just as well as I. And that is exactly why I want to open it for her.

See, I know she can open that door. I know she can pay that bill. And for that reason I take pleasure in doing it. It is my pleasure, and my honor to do so. If I really felt that she was incapable of opening the door, it would be an entirely different feeling, more of generosity.

There are some guys out there who, on some level, believe that the girl in some way cannot open the door. That breeds a condescending view, and they guy might eventually say, "Hey, you can open your own damned door." That's what a lot of girls think is always going on, that the guy is looking down on her. That's not always the case. When I do it, it's out of admiration, respect, and love. Quite the opposite of being condescending, it's a token of my respect.

In a way, I almost feel like this isn't something that should be written. Let me say that I didn't find humor in the situation. Quite the contrary, I'm lucky I can still walk. But never mind that. On with the story!

It was a beautiful fall day. Leaves were just starting to turn color, and the wind was just right. My first semester at Bergen Community College was going fairly well. Granted, I didn't meet as many people as I had hoped to, but never mind that. I approached the side entrance, the one next to the smaller cafeteria, the entrance I always take, as it's closest to where I usually park. And so, as I did countless times in the past, I opened the door, in good spirits. About to step through, I noticed a group of girls, one of them from my Introduction to Information Technology course. So, being the nice guy that I am, and being in a good mood, I thought, why not?

Time for a small sub-rant. I hold the door open for a lot of people. Why? One day, in my freshman year of high school, everything was going wrong. Teachers were yelling at me, upper-classmen were harassing me, and so on. On my way to the next class, I trudged up the stairs, and faced the door to the second floor hallway. I was utterly drained, physically and emotionally. I probably pondered wether I could even open this door, which in my depression, seemed immovable.

But I didn't have to.

Little did I know, a girl from my gym class had managed to come up the stairs behind me. I didn't even have 3 seconds to grumble at the door, before she came up behind me, (giving me quite a shock in the process) happily flung the door open, and gave me a warm smile, along with a half-bow and an extended arm, waving along my passage.

Long story medium, that brightened my day. And that's why I hold doors open for folk...just in case they're having a bad day. Who knows? Anyway, back to my day at BCC.

So, I hold the door open, and the gaggle of college girls pass through. I get a couple of thank-you's, and the girl I knew from my class stops next to me and starts shooting the breeze. We're having an interesting conversation, and the whole time, I'm still holding the door open.

Well, along comes this girl with jet-black hair, and hazel eyes that could pierce the mightiest man. Completely unhappy that I'm holding the door open for her as well as others, she starts screaming at the top of her lungs, emblazoning me with every male derogatory label a feminist could dream up. This, quite frankly, frightens the heck out of me, and I let go of the door.

First, I breathe a sigh of relief. I let go of the door, she can now pass on her own will, so she won't yell at me much more, right?

I take one look at the girl through the glass of the window, and suddenly, I'm not feeling so tranquil.

Not only was she extremely P.O.ed that I closed the door on her speech, (an accident on my behalf, but what seemed intentional to her. Then again, this was darned if I did...you know the rest.) but the fact that the girls, who were watching this, quite awed, started bursting out into uproarious laughter, didn't exactly make her any calmer. Hoo-boy.

While I felt bad about what happened, my fear of castration by the hands of this woman, whose bad day turned worse due to my bad luck, made me decide to go investigate weither the school had a back entrance. At a full-speed run.

Just another one of those days...

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