Spork (spôrk)
1. noun A trademark used for a plastic eating utensil having a spoonlike bowl and tines.

2. verb To poke someone/thing with a spork. For example:

-Ouch, quit sporking me.
-Did you just spork the Washington Monument?
-For women . . . bras, panties, bathing suits, [sporks,] and other stereotypical gear are visual reminders of a commercial, idealized feminine image that our real and diverse female bodies can't possibly fit. Without these visual references, each individual woman's body demands to be accepted on its own terms. We stop being comparatives. We begin to be unique.*

On a personal note, a friend of mine pointed out that a spork might be a symbol of the bisexual lifestyle. I proceeded to spork her repeatedly and unmericifully.

*Quote by Gloria Steinem

Believe it or not, I own a metal spork.
It's true.
A friend of mine found it in a utensil drawer of a dorm's kitchen.
I demanded he let me have it, since I let him buy the plastic, three-eyed Toy Story alien I found in a bin at a second-hand store.
It's really heavy, this metal spork, and the tines in the middle are very sharp, and much longer than on a traditional plastic spork.

My metal spork is my pride and joy.

Along with my coconut monkey.

The ultimate spork, made of titanium, is available from the Snow Peak outdoors equipment company for US $10.95. It weighs in at 0.6 ounce, is 1-5/8" x 6-1/2" in size, and has a hanging hole in the handle.

Although the spork's titanium composition probably precludes it from being transformed into a foon, which is easily one of the most enjoyable aspects of using a plastic spork, the titanium spork should serve its purpose as an eating implement very well.

Unlike the plastic spork, though, the titanium spork is extremely durable. It can be washed and reused, and could even become a family keepsake, passed down through the family, so that future generations will always be able to experience the joys of eating with the greatest implement invented by mankind.

A customer testimonial on Snow Peak's website, http://www.snowpeak.com, paints a picture of a perfect spork-equipped world, as described by a prophet known only as Chris:

"Just imagine it... everyone in the world owns a titanium spork. Then nobody would ever have to look for flimsy silverware again! They would always have their spork right there. Perhaps it could be worn around the neck, or pants; companies could make a special spork pocket. That would just be wonderful!"

These wild dreams, hopefully, will one day become reality.

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