... And I don't mean the talking pig or Mr. Ruth. Tell me, is Rene Russo too old to be the lust object? Too old to be the woman who makes a man do irrational things? Too old to be the one that men in the theater long for?

Look, the rest of this is long and rambly. You should skip it.



. I told you to skip it, now fuck off!



This is such a public, yet private space. I think of such examples of brilliance as Modern Mayan Slaughtercomb, which is so inspired and loopy that I weep to think Herman Melville missed reading it. I worry that DPride is out getting discouraged somewhere instead of following through on his crazy vision. Ah, Bartelby! Ah, Humanity!
I worry about tangents. Is there a place for loopiness here? In an environment when every digression can be folded up into a link, is there really any freedom to meander within one node? Everything you could think of to say can be parsed out into everything nodes. So is there any reason not to just state what you have to say in a simple, declarative paragraph with all the messy bits snipped off into other nodes?

fifty ways to say 'fuck off':

  1. damn with faint praise
  2. praise with passive aggression
  3. put a contract out on the object of affection
  4. affect an egregious expression
  5. express a righteous indignation
  6. indict with false accusation
  7. imply an odius infraction
  8. retract an earlier affirmation
  9. deny the situation
  10. intoxicate with devious libations
  11. invoke libidinous inflammation
  12. invite to shadowed assignation
  13. mete out judicious sussurations
  14. encourage whispered exhortations
  15. meet at secret destination
  16. trip on newly dug impatiens
  17. smell the earthy exhalations
  18. of the garden's mouldy breath;
  19. accept the friendly restoration
  20. of a normal standing station
  21. brushing hands and deprecation
  22. of a laborer's potations
  23. that led to such a tricky place in
  24. such a evening full of promise
  25. tell me what you say is honest
  26. that you found my onyx pen its
  27. such a lovely gift;
  28. I had it from my mother
  29. she gave one like it to my brother
  30. But this is the original, I was born the first~
  31. If you're sure you like it, I'm sure that you can try it-
  32. Sometimes it skips annoyingly and then sometimes it spurts--
  33. Ah, look the ink is everywhere and now the sky is black.
  34. Tell me you would not betray me- that's what you set out to do
  35. all those lines ago!
  36. I know that what you brought me (to this garden in the darkness)
  37. is not what you want to give me--
  38. you're reaching in your purse.
  39. Perhaps you mean to kill me now, my last smell will be China Rain
  40. The perfume bottle next to something deadly in your purse.
  41. It could have been worse.
  42. The ultimate fuck-you, I think, whatever you have in there--
  43. Who'd dream that condom, or that gun, was nuzzed next to brush-your-hair
  44. Did the man who sold you that, know who you bought it for?
  45. Did he make a mental note? A model of the score?
  46. Did he know I would be in your bed, or lying on the floor?
  47. I hear a jingle, the keys to your door.
  48. Oh, Rene.
  49. You fooled me.
  50. I thot it was a g

Nothing like a bit of poetry to say "fuck off." Do it now.
That's what I imagine Rene Russo would be like in bed. Tricky. It's those cheeks of hers that make me think so. In the event--of the movie, I have never slept with Ms. Russo--she spends the movie in an uncomfortable position, stuck in the role written for a 25 year-old, and acting the role of a 45 year-old playing a 25 year-old. I would really like to see someone playing the role of a 45 year-old. Specifically, I would like to see an actress/writer combo with enough brains to create the character of a 45 year-old who makes me want her more than I want the nubile, fresh 25 year-old.

    After all, I'm going to be 45 years old. Hopefully! I mean, consider the alternatives! and with better luck, I will be a 75 year-old, at which age I will be fantasizing about 45 year-olds! Ah, 45. Old enough for me to fuck, and maybe smart enough to fuck me-- she's past 25, at which age she wouldn't LOOK at me, and 35, at which she would charge me for it (make me father her kids!) and she's lovely forty five, past that first marriage, or in a really stable one-- has eaten eye candy for long enough to start hunting for a sweet soul, and here's me at 75, with thirty-five more years of sweetnuss under my belt than the young punks her age! Ah, 45! Lord, let me love you, you forty-five year old honey. Let's hang our wrinkly skins on the bedroom door and frolic, luscious us, like we didn't know how to when we were kids!

So there. Yes, she's forty five. And it's in my best interest to start learning how to become aroused by forty-five year-olds. No wait, that's not just what I mean. I mean it is what I mean, but it's not ALL i mean. I also mean that it's in everybody's best interest to be aroused as much as possible, by as many people as possible. I mean, doesn't that sound like a nice way to live? Constantly aroused?
Yowza! I'm feeling like Walt Whitman! Then suddenly, I turn into George Bush (both of him):
    Ah! I jest, I jibe! I retreat, with all possible haste, from that statement! That rhetorical consideration! I was younger than Henry Hyde when I thought that way, and in my more mature present state I would never be caught dead not retracting that, was I caught saying it, which I believe I have said all that I can on the matter. Next. <i>Constant arousal</i> is called... well it's called something medical, and it's bad. Priapism, I think. Which sounds a whole lot nastier than the prudism we were all brought up with, doesn't it? Yes, I said "Prudism", and I think that I use the word advisedly! Prudism, after all, is prudent, prudish, providential, all those good PR words. "Constant Arousal" is a growing problem in our country, and I think it makes people afraid to say they're "Prudent" and from the G.O."P" and This whole menacing wave of "PC", or "Political Correctness" does not make me afraid to say that I'm not afraid to say it! I will say it, and I'm proud to say it!

Well, fuck you George. I'm not afraid to say that I'd like to be aroused, Constantly, by Rene Russo. No, that's not what I mean. What I mean is, why is aldous42 so repelled at the thought of a 45 year-old woman being incredibly sexy? I felt the same way, at moments, watching her on the screen. And then I thought, wow, by human standards she's quite beautiful, although by movie standards the whole thing borders on desperate. But if she were in the room? If I were married to her? Yowza.

Come on. Are you pissed at her because she is vulnerable now, but was once the cheerleader in high school? Would you feel different about this if you were as desirable as Mickey Rartin, Ferratin Ward or Shad Fitt? That is, how much of this is sour grapes? How much of this is a realistic assessment of beauty? Dude, did da Man get you to enforce the same beauty standard he uses to lock you out of the Glittery People Club?

Look. Most of us do not date people who look like movie stars. Because there are very few people who look like movie stars without the aid of lights and makeup. And because even movie stars start to look like 45 year-olds once they've hit 80 or so. Statistically, you and I are not going to spend much of our lives smooching smooth, nimble necks and nuzzling flat bellies. Does this have to be such a horrible fate?Why does it always have to be one in the movies?

I tole you to fuck off way back there.

I note with some concern the message underlying both previous writeups:

The female love (or lust) interest in a movie should be significantly younger than the male.

Unfortunately, this notion is more than a little ridiculous. While it's certainly fascinating to watch Catherine Zeta-Jones (30) and Sean Connery (69) tussle romantically, one does begin to wonder if perhaps the discrepancy is more about our rather skewed perceptions of beauty and less about genuine age requirements of the role. A more extreme example is seen in Léon. Jean Reno (46) and Natalie Portman (13) skirt the issue of pedophilia and sexual awakening with aplomb; nevertheless, the love interest for Léon is 33 years his junior...a lesser degree of variance as between Zeta-Jones and Connery.

And yet we accept both (to varying degrees) and proceed with our disbelief duly suspended. The fact that Léon and Mathilda do not consummate their relationship is, no doubt, the key difference in the audience's acceptance of their generation gap; Léon's reluctance also adds a significant element of pseudo-innocence to the mix.

Until the social stigma of an older woman with a much younger man is erased, it is ludicrous to apply a different standard to older men with younger women. Rene Russo is most definitely "young enough" to play the Babe in any movie she pleases.

To phrase it in simplest terms:

As long as Pierce Brosnan can play the hunky male role, so too can Rene Russo play the hot babe.

Since you never once mentioned the title of the movie you are referring to I am assuming that you are talking about Rene Russo's performance in A Thomas Crown Affair. The chemistry between Pierce Brosnan and Rene Russo, IMHO, greatly surpasses what little attraction I perceived between the ancient Sean Connery and Catherine Zeta-Jones. Rene Russo exuded sexuality through the very maturity that has she has been previously knocked for. Her sexuality stems not only from her physical appearance but her mental capabilities. I was not at all impressed with the 'depth' of Zeta-Jones' character and I found Connery to be utterly repulsive. Now there is an example of a bad choice in sex symbols. The man is old, he's gotten chunky and the character he played was a complete jerk!

As for the notion that the leading lady should be significantly younger than the leading man, that's absolute nonsense! Sean Connery was disgustingly older than Jones. Relationships like these promote the idea of the 'helpless woman' who needs a 'stronger older man' to take care of her. That's crap. And the whole idea that a woman cannot be sexy after a certain age is ridiculous while someone like Sean Connery is still seen as a sex symbol!!

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