Let's play FIZZBALLTM!
It's the wacky new game that's filling hosipital concussion and laceration wards across the nation! And it's so easy to play!
et yourself a few cases of that cheap, nasty beer
that's usually found stacked and on sale
near the checkout counter
right before National Drinking Holidays
You'll need an axe or mattock handle or some kind of primitive looking branch! Think atomic war-club size! YEAH!
eady to play? Shake the can vigorously
until the little ball starts rattling. Oops, wrong game
. Use your own judgement
. Get about fifteen feet
from the batter
A real easy underhand pitch is used. You're not trying to strike the guy out. You want to see the can blow up, right? RIGHT!
wing like a mad ape. The object
is to hack
through the soft middle
and split the can wide open
! Yahooo! Some fun, eh?
hat are you gonna do, try to catch a shredded metal can
? What are you, stupid?
Official Fizzball uniforms:
lastic rain slickers or a poncho
, at least.
Have fun and be sure to wear protective head gear (but only if you're some kind of goddamn pansy), and maybe next time we'll tell you about 8-track skeet shoot.
(Smells like a bar rag in here. Maybe we should play outside next time...)
No points are scored
Fizzball is non-competitive and promotes cooperative behavior:
Various fizzball phenomena -- create your own!
- This is a great fizzball effect! The can is smacked open and rotates in the air forever, drenching everything in a twenty-foot radius with beautiful ribbons of foam!
The War of the Worlds
- Picture the top of the batted can, snapped free, spinning and actually gaining altitude like a hovering alien craft! Wow!
- This one is often frustrating. The swelling can is bashed over the fence, unruptured and out of reach, but you might want to keep an eye on the kids next door when they try to open it. Hee hee.
The Time Bomb
- A Tiny rupture starts a fine spray-leak as the spinning can skitters across the ground! Quick! Get it back in play before it's a dud!
(thanks to Art Adams, Mike Mignola, and Scott Mignola for selfless aid in research and development) -- Steve Purcell, 1987.
For the curious, fizzball is as fun as it is dangerous. I've only taken part in one game, ages ago at Burning Man, and I can easily say it was one of the stupidest things I've ever taken part in. Well worth the $2 per case of beer, in my ever so humble opinon. Now, PLAY BALL!