I am walking around in Chatham, NY admiring fountains that had not been working for 500 years (exactly). The next thing I know, some girl from my chemistry class that I had a crush on sticks her head out of a balcony window and beckons me to come inside her house. I walk through the open front door, and immediately begin ascending a small flight of wooden stairs. At the top, the door to her room is open. Like wise, I enter the room. There is an oriental rug on the floor at the foot of a bed in the center of the room. She is there in the room with me, naked doing yoga on the rug. Quickly, I find a spot on the floor at the foot of the bed and lie down face up, placing my legs on the bed. So there I am laying on the floor staring up at the ceiling, while some naked girl is doing yoga in the same room. She starts talking to me, and telling me saying how she liked me, but was afraid to say anything to me (which is funny, because that is exactly what I usually end up saying in some way or another). She continues to stretch her body around some more. I look off to my right and pick up a Best Buy newspaper insert and start reading an advertisement for Voltron action figures, which is in Japanese (all the names were in katakana). Then I woke up.
It was one of the strangest dreams I had ever had. I finally revealed to myself that I have a slight phobia regarding starting relationships with persons of gender.

i'm working on a computer. i'm putting it together. but it's all new, and all the parts are so much smaller and more delicate than i am used to and i keep breaking stuff. i finally get the computer put together and i desperately hope that it will work, but of course it doesn't. angry, i clench my teeth until they all fall out. i give the bloody teeth to my boss instead of the computer i was supposed to put together.

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  • At graduation they were all wearing beautiful dark blue robes or multicolored ones. They were the colors of Africa but anyone could wear them. The graduates separated themselves out of the crowd - it was time. We stayed behind. We weren't allowed in the stadium. As they entered the stadium one of the remaining crowd said "listen, you can hear the roar of the applause!" but you couldn't, dummy, it was just the wind and leaves.

  • The girl told me they were going to convert this room into a kitchen. Is your dad going to put in a hardwood floor? "I should hope so, otherwise there'll be egg in the carpet." The tourists would not sit down. Couldn't they see this room was still a church? It made me so mad I yelled at them This is still a church and I do not care HOW you feel about that, you are going to sit down! People talk quieter when they are sitting. Everyone I yelled at took it well, but more people kept coming in and I had to do it all over again. The last group of people must have been twenty feet tall, I could not see their faces.

  • She had been telling us terrible things about her family and when her dad came to pick her up, we could hardly stand to look at him. He looked normal enough, but now we knew.

  • Jim Carrey was trying to kidnap us. He'd gotten us into his house and I knew he was going to take us away. I pretended to explore the place, leading my little sister into the back room. I don't think she knew the danger. I opened the window and stepped out onto the crumbling, rotten wood ledge. Jim Carrey was worried but I pretended everything was fine. I just want to enjoy the view, silly! He liked it when I flirted with him. My sister and I stepped out onto the ledge. It wasn't a far drop to the ground - we could run. I heard someone cry and remembered I had another sister, a baby, still inside - we could not leave her. How had I forgotten?
  • My former girlfriend is there, and she's on this moped-esque sort of contraption, happily motoring down the road. I pass her from behind, but I'm getting really frustrated on this hilly road that I can't get enough freefall to kick over the afterburners and deploy my wings. At least there's a really nice view as I pop over the top of each hill.

  • A letter? For me? But, I'm driving. Why are you delivering it to my passenger side window?

  • It's okay, I'm in bed. I really don't want to go to work, but that laughing is coming from her with my former roommate on the bed that's obviously in the living room, and I'm dying to find to what it's about. But the moonlight's so warming...
  • Ryan was going on a field trip with my school, even though he had already moved. I was getting ready at home, talking to my mother to get details. I told her that Ryan and I would end up taking his car. We were going to Houston and Ryan was driving down from San Antonio to go with us, even though he really lives in Oregon. She told me that that would be unsafe and that I should probably take my father's little blue pickup. I told someone else how insane my mother was for expecting me to take the pickup that was not very mechanically fit and besides, a model that was prone to rollovers. I said that when Ryan got there, he would talk sense into my mother. Then I remembered his knee surgery and thought that perhaps it might be better to take my Jimmy, since then we could take turns driving since he'd never let me drive his car but he might get tired with the wounded knee.

    We were dressed up for marching band at the end of my driveway when Ryan drove up, and he exited by climbing out of his passenger window. Everyone gathered around him and I couldn't even get in a greeting. I was worried because Ryan kept stumbling around and hurting himself.

    Then we were in the high school parking lot. Ryan was there and so was Lucas, a high-school buddy of mine, who didn't greet me either, despite the fact that we were good friends. Lucas's station wagon filled up with people, including Ryan, who was pretty much ignoring me. I trudged around in an attempt to find another vehicle and even considered driving myself but I would have had to take the rest of the people who were left out who were very distasteful to me. I started yelling about how I'd rather not go at all than go with a bunch of losers. One man said shame on me, that the bus driver (one of the left-over people) was one of the truest friends and most interesting people that he had ever known. I stormed away.

    Then Tyron, another friend, pulled up. In addition to his goatee he suddenly had long hippie hair. He said that he was going to drive his truck (Tyron doesn't have a truck) so I said that I would ride with him and ran to get my luggage. When I returned, he was driving away. I started yelling at him to come back but he only yelled back "Why?" It suddenly became night and I watched for a while, expecting Tyron to have been joking and to return, but all the headlights were confusing and he didn't return, so I went into the school.

    It was full of classes of elementary and junior high kids, and some of the teachers were cleaning up prom decorations.I snuck into one of the toilet stalls in the back of a classroom, and from there began to plan my day, trying to remember my schedule of classes, and worrying about what the people would think of me after my outburst. That was when I woke up.

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