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Here's the stuff we found when you searched for "Dear Diary, Bobby McGuire is totally the cutest. I hope he asks me to the dance on Friday!"

• So I was balls deep in the guy's ass that night when he turns to me and asks for a kiss. Damn. What a fag.
• My crush asked if he could kiss me
• Why Doesn't He Ask Me to Prom?
• He makes me feel alone just by being there
• Show me your art and I will consume even the smallest part of you, he said.
• Ask moJoe : Dear Spamtasic in Wallawalla
• I fall in love with my migraine, every day he seduces me with a kiss.
• Jesus He Knows Me
• Why I politely asked the contemporary lit major I was dating to stop writing me love letters
• I will marry only he who defeats me in battle
• Somebody once asked me...
• You to me are treasure. You to me are dear.
• He taught me how to smoke
• A scent that threatened to disperse me in particles of hope
• The me I hope to become
• Ask moJoe : Dear Yakks the Plumer
• I asked Allah to grant me to witness the truth in front of the unjust ruler
• Show Me How the Robots Dance
• They asked me to write a letter
• I don't have any secrets. Now ask me if I have any lies.
• Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit
• Come and dance with me in the rain
• He probably builds trebuchets still: Satan needs to modernize, like totally!
• Ask moJoe : Dear Curious in Canada
• John Hall
• Chris and What He Untaught Me
• he touched me then, but I forgot to feel
• I put my head down and hoped to God she wasn't looking at me
• Ask moJoe : Dear Conquerer in California
• Somehow he reminds me of my mother
• I will marry only he who defeats me in Scrabble
• If you ask me about winter, I'll tell you about
• If I tell you, ye will not believe: And if I also ask you, ye will not answer me, nor let me go.
• My recent perfect date has given me hope
• If you ask me about summer, I'll tell you about
• Seven opening lines if he would ever look me in the eye
• Ask moJoe : Dear Credulous in Cambridge
• You've Asked Me When I Came to Town
• The first time I asked a girl to dance
• Dance Me Outside
• Now he dances to bring her back.
• he taught me to fly then took away my sky
• Ask Me Anything
• He just wanted to give me something he forgot to give me a long time ago
• He made the stars speak to me in Morse Code
• She asked me to copy my poem into her notebook
• He asks, anxious to hear the story
• He Read To Me The Picture of Dorian Gray
• she, he, and me
• I hope they kill me while I'm standing here, so I can die happy.
• Ask moJoe : Dear (Longwinded Asslicker) Anonymous
• She asked me to stop dreaming of death
• He learned to dance from emus but he learned to love from seraphim
• list of things
• I wonder if he ever thinks about me
• I asked a friend to draw me, and I'm scared of what I'll see
• I'm changing the climate! Ask me how
• If you ask me about spring, I'll tell you about
• Could you have danced with me?
• He loves me, he loves me not
• He has redefined me, again and again
• Ask moJoe : Dear Wanted in NJ
• She asked me to read her a poem
• Show me dear Christ, thy spouse so bright and clear
• He Hate Me
• he calls me monster
• The day he gave me a lift
• Until today, it really pissed me off that I'd become this totally centered Zen Master and nobody had noticed
• If I didn't ask, I'd never know (how much you hate me)
• No one asks me if I'm a Satanist or anything because I take the precaution of wearing a predominantly flannel and hawaiian shirt-oriented wardrobe
• My Mother She Killed Me, My Father He Ate Me
• Ask Me Why
• For the man who inspired me to dance
• Dance Me to the End of Love
• My brother never told me not to smoke. He showed me.
• He comforted me when he thought I needed it, but never when I really did
• Ask moJoe : Dear Concerned
• I wanted to see how many times he wouldn't ask.
• he tried to kill me with a forklift
• I'd dance forever if they'd let me, you know
• Ask me about Grim Fandango
• He brings me books like flowers
• I'm up, he sees me, I'm down
• he that is not with me is against me
• He called me Sarah once
• Ask me about Loom
• Ask Me More Eeyore
• If you ask me about autumn, I'll tell you about
• Or he'll just kick me in the face and scream abstract noises and dance around outside in his underwear and have sex with the neighbor's dog and try to fly by jumping off the toilet
• One last time, to dance me out of your heart
• Dear Diary
• To me he is a daisy and I keep trying to count his petals
• he calls me girly (user)
• Ask moJoe : Dear Baffled On Beacon Hill
• You asked me once what I would remember... this, and much more
• let me ask (user)
• he kissed me for a year and a half
• I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together
• He that is not with me is against me.
• It is safe to say that I'm going to get my payback if he is anything like me.
• He made me promise I would do this when I was next sad. So I promised myself I would not be sad again.
• Ask moJoe : Dear Jeered-at in Jerusalem
• I hope that for a few moments he felt a little less alone
• I had no idea what he thought about me.
• For my father, in the event he finds me
• When I asked Anna to marry me
• The Kim Li Diaries
• The Turner Diaries and The Iron Heel
• Second Diary of Samuel Pepys
• the real me
• You have the right to be angry at me for breaking my heart.
• Friday Night Fights
• Is that me shaking? Is that you shaking? Are we both shaking?
• A Final Friday Night in San Francisco
• Don't Go Out the Door
• he says
• He Hudas not pay
• There's nothing more annoying than to try to rebel against someone who's totally supportive about whatever you want to do
• he held secret conversations with statues
• He was confirming to himself that they were laughing with him after all
• He's Leaving Home
• Does He Take Sugar?
• sorry, hes cold (user)
• He's an arsehole
• A bit of a poet that thinks he's a pirate
• Things I'll do now that he's gone
• Cape of Good Hope
• Hope Diamond
• The Hope Blister
• Sir William Hope
• No Time to Speak of the Hopes of the Future
• take me away
• Don't stand so close to me
• Roger and Me
• The Statue Got Me High
• a tech support story that a friend told me that you might find amusing
• Can't Buy Me Love
• Don't get me wrong; I'm not a feminist
• Do you think you could love me now?
• The muffins are talking to me
• I wanted you to want me
• When You Said, "Remember Me"
• Send Me
• Things my corporate job does to scare the hell outa me
• Don't tread on me
• Is that massive cerebral hemorrhaging, or are you just happy to see me?
• Tell me another lie
• Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport
• The Beast within me
• Only Jesus can judge me
• Our love sustains me far beyond the gold horizon
• You were never going to become more than this to me
• Every programmer is incompetent but me.
• You Burn Me Up I'm a Cigarette
• Look at me, I am moving on
• Let me drink, Uncle Sam!
• She who makes the Moon the Moon and, whenever she is full, sets the dogs to howling all night long, and me with them.
• No Rack Can Torture Me
• You picked a fine time to leave me, Lucille
• To Lay Me Down
• The whole world is lying to me
• That Time of Year Thou May'st in Me Behold
• They blew up the world, but what really pisses me off
• How a suicide made me wish I were Superman
• The portion of her face she allows me to see
• When I was little my mother told me not to sit close to the T.V., so when I was six I did.
• Being asked to sponsor
• Come Talk To Me
• How can we face these dazzling things, I ask you?
• No one touches me

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