Dear Noders, today I reached level 4 and I want to thank all of you who have ever upvoted me or C!'ed me or read any of my work or even if you've never heard of me... I love you all. E2 is powerfully addictive, seriously fun and now that I've reached the magical level 4 I look forward to the new C! POWER. Though I may never be a Gritchka nor a Pseudo_Intellectual, I have now become satisfied with the quality and quantity of my nodes. I feel good.

But what would any daylog entry be without bizarre personal rants? And thus I shall begin ranting........NOW. So I get a call today from my buddy Spike. I ask how he's been and he says good. He mentions that it was S's birthday last week (name truncated to protect the innocent). So I ask Spike how the birthday went. "Good," he says, "but he's still mad at you."

Excuse me? How come nobody told me about this. Okay, so maybe I don't like the guy very much but I didn't know that I had pissed him off in any way. I've never insulted him or tried to hurt him. I just didn't talk to him much, but he never talked to me anyway so I figured 'eh, whatever'. Now he's mad at me? And yet he's never called me to bitch or yell or anything.

I can guess what it's about, though. He probably doesn't like the fact that I have been talking to and innefectively courting the girl that he previously dated for three years and whose mind he destroyed (IMHO). Hey man, she's just a friend... Whatever. S is like this. He doesn't talk about what he wants and it builds up in his fractured mind until it seems a vast conspiracy. I don't have time for this shit and my plan is to do nothing about it until he makes the first move. Still, I guess I'm a bit shaken since I've never had a mortal enemy before. Cool. So this is that 'life' thing you are so keen on? I am intrigued.

My girlfriend left for college today. Next week I'm going. She's in New Orleans, I'll be in Chicago. Not that distance has ever been a problem for us . . . that's just the way it will be.

This will (presumably) be my last year of undergraduate school. I'll get my twin degrees, and hopefully my honors' student pat on the back and then I've got to go do something else.

Goddammit, I'm fucking scared.

I'd like to do graduate school and further my study of computer graphics . . . but I've only done cursory looks for schools that do well in that field. Plus, I'd have to be ready for those computer science GREs. The specialty GREs are notoriously tricky, I hear.

Sometimes I wonder if I only want to continue my education because seeking education is all I've known for the last two decades, give or take. Thus the idea of working full time in a job related to my field just feels utterly foreign and wrong somehow . . .

I've been reviewing my Japanese vocabulary over the last couple of weeks. Realizing how much of this stuff that I knew so well 12 months ago is now lost in the wrinkles of my mind . . . it flays my ego further.

I wish I could remember how to cry or something, because then I could just fuck this shit and let it out. I've forgotten. Egad. Normally I don't cuss like this. I just feel so rudderless and paranoid because it's the last week of summer vacation . . . perhaps my last summer vacation, in the true sense of the words. I'm coming up to this huge life milestone, and I don't know where I'm going after that.

There's so much that I want to do, and now that I finally have a chance to pick something, I'm frozen with anxiety.

Anyone who wishes to /msg me with words of encouragement will be greatly appreciated.

My fast has been broken. I spent over an hour making a good pizza; I kneaded dough, I cooked and spiced up sauce until it tasted perfect, I sliced up vegetables and I grated cheese (rennet-free Cabot Monterey Jack). I baked it until it was perfect, with no real sense of urgency. Then I ate it, slowly, with a beer, Magic Hat number 9 (as alcohol assists in digestion). I savored it, which is something people rarely do with food, myself included. I didn't finish it, which is also abnormal, as I tend to overeat. What's more, I felt full, satisfied, and had no urge to eat the last third of the pizza, when normally I could consume a whole pizza plus desert. I had no attraction to the watermelon offered as desert.

I'm full and satisfied. Food hasn't done this to me for a while. I'll fast again if this satisfaction from eating goes away again.

This is the beginning to a write up which I have decided never to node as previously intended. It was to be noded under "Give a newbie a break", but now it shall become one with this daylog and never see the light of day anywhere else again.

This node is almost definitely slated to die. By it's very existence, it is begging to be downvoted, for Klaproth to come along and eat it. Indeed, as I type this in notebook, intending to copy and paste, I am debating creating this node, or adding it to a daylog, or even just shutting up and dealing with it. So, when this appears as a node, halt your mouse above the downvote. Let me explain why I did it.
You may say, "This isn't noding for the ages. You're being gratuitous" I disagree. This node is a testament to the bitter feelings any newbie gets for anything when they first decide to do something. It records the confusion at what seems to be unfairness, and lets other newbies vent their feelings by reading it rather than noding new nodes. To any new everythingians now reading this, please take heed of that last sentence and do not add a writeup to this node, but take comfort in the fact you're not alone.
You may downvote this node due to it's lack of stoicism (see: XP stoicism). Go ahead. I agree it's not that stoic, but in defense I say that it allows others to feel a little more comfortable in their stoicism, knowing they're not alone.

As you can see, I never got around to writing what I was intending to write, since the beginning is all about why I was going to and I placed it here before noding it (read: smart). Anyway, that's my two pennies for today

I hate bugs.

No, really. I can't stand them. And my house seems to be full of them. I went downstairs a couple of weeks ago to clean the hamster's cage, and there was an immense cricket in the sink - scared the hell out of me, I got all upset and panicky over it. A week after that I went down to the same room to look in the fire safe for my passport, and found a cricket of similar size in the middle of the floor. It left me alone and I left it alone, but it still had me squicked.

Then there have been the little black things that were flying around the bedroom and were really hard to squish. They were small, though, and there were only a couple of them and they only came out late at night - but they still grossed me out.

And now there are flies. These are not fruit flies or little itty bitty flies. These are HOUSes: Houseflies Of Unusual Size. They are louder than a mosquito and prefer to frequent the kitchen, office, and bedroom: the rooms I like to spend time in. I have hung a strip of flypaper in each room and they're catching the occasional fruit fly, but these HOUSes are bigger, faster, stronger. So far I've seen two ran into the strip, flail about for several minutes, give up, flail about some more - and get away. The strip in the kitchen has caught one, who is attached by its wings and starving to death. One cooked in the halogen lamp near the strip in the bedroom, which smelled lovely but was effective until the lamp clicked off again - something's wrong with it.

There are some other smaller, less scary bugs that come around too. My girlfriend says it's because there's a dead thing in the house, but I don't think the killer cat has brought anything in lately - I haven't smelled it. Fortunately she's coming home tonight from travel, so I can show her what I've been whining about all week. Hopefully we can kill them all before she leaves again Monday.

I less-than-three you.

..but I'm sick of your bullshit.

So I'm just sitting there, right? Just sitting there, trying to calm my nerves, when this chick comes by and starts shouting and raving about how bad her life is and how she is so pissed on by the world. No biggie, I ignore her pretty well; that is, until she starts complaining to me directly, right in my face and screaming at me like I'm supposed try to make her feel better. Okay, I decide, I'll bite. I ask what the problem is, and as Sure as Sam she starts railing me, "how dare I enter her personal space". Then she just starts dealing on everyone in the whole place and when someone tries to confront her on it, she mercilessly verbally attacks them.

I just wanted to grab her by the shoulders and scream "get your fucking head back on." But I resisted the urge, seeing as how she's sucking the administrative dick and if I did anything to upset her further, she'd have me tossed out on my ass for no other reason than she she won the popularity contest and is in with the in crowd.

Girly girl, if you're not going to tell us why you're mad, you have no right to direct your anger at us. And if you do tell us, say it once and be done with it. Radiating hostility to troll for attention only makes you more transparant.

Big Issue, madam?

Yes, everybody is out to get you. Nobody has anything better to to than provoke you into schizophrenic fits of rage. I actually stayed up all night last night planning my verbal assault on you.

Get a fucking grip

Hey all.

Just wanted to put a blip in the database to let it know I'm still out there. I've been massively passive with regard to E2 for all of recent memory (which doesn't go back too far) but I've got half a mind (if that) to rejoin the ranks of active noders. Trouble is my nodebase is holding me back. When I look back at the few hundred entries I've already made I just wince. So much of it is random, self-referential, or just plain bad. I'm toying with the idea of a massive nuke request... sort of want to hit the reset button ya know?

While I haven't been putting much into E2 in the past year, I have been getting a lot out of it. Almost everytime I stick my nose in here, I read something that makes me think... or feel something... or inspires me to write. Yeah... I think I want to try to bring the signal-to-noise ratio closer to 1.

Today was silly in all sorts of ways. One is that I had to unexpectedly go to the store--TWICE. Once it was because I was printing out buttloads of info and I couldn't find any more paper (I bought a bunch, returned, and then found my store of paper hidden under a bunch of junk on my desk), and the other time was to get more ink for my inkjet printer. I got one of those little injection kits where you refill the cartridge with a syringe! I felt like a doctor, operating on that poor little lifeless ink cartridge . . . now it is feeling fine. Wahoo.

So, the diet continues . . .

My friend says I should take some kind of diet pill that boosts your metabolism. I don't care to do that, I don't think. I am scared of those things, and scared I might either get addicted to them or become dependent on them to keep off whatever weight I lose. I think I'll stick to just eating 1000 calories a day until further notice.

My menu today:

½ cup lite cottage cheese: 80 calories
1 banana: 105 calories

1½ cup salad
1 cup raw mushrooms
20 baby carrots
Dressing (akin to Thousand Island):
2 tablespoons lite Miracle Whip: 70 calories
1 tablespoon Heinz Ketchup: 40 calories
(I ate exactly this yesterday!)

1 packet plain oatmeal: 100 calories
¼ cup lite syrup: 30 calories

1 Morningstar hot dog (the fake stuff, mmm yummy!): 80 calories
A bun for that sucker: 80 calories
1 cup milk: 90 calories
¼ cup dried apricots: 100 calories

That adds up to 845 calories today, which leaves me 155 to play with! I was thinking of gnawing on some Morningstar fake bacon (2 strips is 60 calories), or having a grapefruit (40 cals) or 2 bread and butter pickles (20 cals) or even some Sunny Delight (120 calories for 8 fluid ounces, baby). Maybe if I feel like it I'll even have some Coke (8 fluid ounces is 100 calories with NO nutritional value WHATSOEVER--hurrah for junk!) or 130 calories worth of Wheat Thins! (That's sixteen crackers.) Whoo, I'm having a dieting ball. :) Oh yeah, I might want ketchup on my hot dog. That'll be 40 calories, please drive through.

Well, today was my first real day back at my new high school. The one I transferred to last year, around the end of the 3rd quarter. I hadn't made a lot of friends last year, and I was more than just a bit apprehensive about going back. Nonetheless, I boldly charged in, fueled perhaps by the extremely good mood I've been in this past week (from the girl I had such fun in the park with, the one who is about to become my girlfriend.) There's something about nearly having a girlfriend that I really, really like. It's not like I'm becoming dependent on her for my happiness, but just knowing that she's there gives me such extra confidence, such an extra spring in my step, and such an extra big smile.

So I go back to school, fight the system a bit, and I'm extremely pleased with all my classes. 4 English classes, a Careers class, and PE. Lovely! Not only that, but people remember my name, there's lots of new faces (so I blend in even better,) and there's about 3 female friends I made last year, who seem to really, really like me. I'll have a girlfriend next time I see them, though, but it's always nice to have admirers! I should try to look at the bright side of things more often.

And perhaps it'd be unwise to talk about E2, but oh well. This place has made me very happy lately! It's so much fun to log in and see "You've Gained Experience!" And to have Cool Man Eddie tell me that my writeup just got cooled! Well, what can I say? These are happy times.

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