As an unfortunate victim of coin-operated laundry for the past five years, I feel fully qualified to pass on the following information to pre-initiates:

1. Bring laundry to machine.
2. Place detergent and clothes in machine.
3. Note the number of quarters required and open the same number of condoms.
4. Put one quarter in each condom.
5. Do the coin-op thing as usual, but pull the condoms slightly taut as you slide them in. Remove them slowly and gently.
6. Get kicked out of residence for letting your don see what you're up to.

Tune in next week when we re-use teabags.