The madness continues...more from the Quora Illuminati Group...a composite of the last dozen or so questions addressed directly to me:
How can I join the Illuminati?
Hello. I am 20 years of age and I work as a clerk at Home Counties Bank. I have been there for six months. My father and mother are from the British Commonwealth of Gambia. I am known to be clean and punctual, and able to follow complex instructions.
I would like to join because your organization because the Illuminati are known to be wealthy, famous, and powerful, and I would like to be the same. How much money do you need to join? I can pay 50 GBP now, and more in future. Is this enough?
I have been given to understand that you require a ‘sacrifice’ of some kind. I am further given to believe this may be of the animal variety, but could also be human, as well. I am not experienced in either, but would be willing to undertake training, provided that this be done in a safe manner. I prefer weekend classes, but could attend for a full week in six months.
The other question I might have is the role of faith in your organization. My parents and I are devout Christians. Would this hinder my acceptance or advancement? I would be willing to sign papers renouncing my claim, provided that I receive a guarantee of prompt advancement. Please advise.
In closing, I am 5’10” tall, weigh 11 stone and favor Manchester Utd. Please reply quickly — I am in need of supplementary employment and income to help my aging parents back home.
It would be funny, if it wasn't so pathetic. The people who ask this, and questions like it, all seem to know more about it than I do: they "know" that they're going to be almost instantly awarded wealth beyond all dreams of avarice, world-wide recognition, and unlimited power, if only because they joined up, in a process somewhere between subscribing to a magazine and applying to a community college, albeit with somewhat different requirements. We'll murder our families, we'll lead young children into sexual slavery, even cannibalism, if only they can have that money.
All they have to do is pay up a small fee, provide for an unspecified, but unpleasant ritual, and presto! You can now control the world economy! No experience needed! The world's your ant farm! Of course, you'll burn in Hell, but well, isn't that what it's about? You mean they aren't Satanists, or perform Blood Sacrifice of relatives, or even need hitmen and kidnappers for their child seraglios? That if they actually existed outside of Dan Brown -- I prefer Robert Anton Wilson -- they might require some knowledge of macroeconomics, international law, area studies, or at the very least, be able to speak and interact with people from countries and cultures not their own? And furthermore, who told these people that handing the Yacht Club a hundred dollars will mean that they'll up and give you a yacht?
No, that's too easy. It would take too long, and they need the money. Now.