So the good ol' Mid-South Fair
is here. Excuse me while I show no excitement whatsoever. I hate the fair
. I always wanted to go when I was younger b/c I had always had a good time then. Don't ask me why. I think it was because when I was younger my parents
gave me money
to go and I didn't have to spend my own. Or maybe b/c it is that I am fucking old now and can't be riding those damn rides
anymore. I just can't.
I think my reasoning back then was, "FUN! I get to ride all of these cool rides and eat all of this cool food and have fun. Totally radical!!!" Now I'm more like, "You want me to pay for a ride that is going to jerk me around and around over and over again at 100 mph??? No thank you. I'll just sit here and hold your shit."
However the food is good and I am sure the only reason why most people go, but I was told the other day by a woman at work that a radio station was actually telling everyone how much fat and carbs, and bad, nasty shit was in fair food. Again, no thank you. Instead of spending my $7.00 on a funnel cake that will take a few years off my life, I'll save it for a nice smoothie or something. I love ya, Mr. Funnel Cake, but I can't do it. But if I don't see you, keep on truckin'.
And the ultimate fair food: The foot long corn dog. Dear lord. Not only am I about to inhale 12 inches of lord knows what the fuck is in hotdogs, but it is also battered and deep fried. Yum Yum. Mr. Foot Long Corn Dog, you're mighty tasty, but my ass needs to move on. We separated quite a few years back, and the reminder of what I am missing is just too much for ol' girl to bare. Sorry man. You are one well endowed Mo Fo, but no matter how good you are, no one needs that much. Check you later.
Then there is my personal favorite: The Candy/Carmel Apple. This has to be the healthiest of all fair snacks. Is that not funny? The healthiest thing you could eat would be an apple covered in pure sugar. Sure, it can't be good for your teeth and it's not a friend to diabetics but at least it won't clog your arteries and it's not fattening. I am sure the caloric content is a nightmare, but calories are nothing. I understand fat grams, not calories. Fat grams and cholesterol. That is what I understand. I guess the next in line for the healthiest snack would be the frozen banana. They are tasty enough but I just can't eat a frozen banana. It's too cold and hurts my teeth. And there is always that one asshole fraternityboy mother fucker that has to point and make some dumbass comment about sucking on a banana or something. I'd rather just not give them the thrill. And I would like to see the man that is as big and as hard as a frozen banana, and as satisfying for that matter.
So to all of my Mid-South Fair going friends, have a good time. Get drunk. Eat a lot. Be safe. Please lay off the unsuspecting girls eating the frozen banana, and please, please, show Liberty Land some love. The poor neglected thing, it needs it. And could someone pick me up a carmel apple with nuts please? (heh heh, I said "nut").