I used to be a swimmer. I even won a "gold medal" (actually it was called "first place") for my primary school. When I was around 13, a competition was held at my school (secondary now). I was to swim 50 metres freestyle. Unfortunately not backstroke, and you'll soon see why.

It was during puberty. It was a bit cold. I didn't even see any beautiful girls in bathing suits, but it happened nevertheless. All I was wearing was a small speedo, and suddenly, out of nowhere, as I was standing getting ready, I had an erection. About half of the school was there, watching. I tried to hide it, but it was just too obvious. And I stood there for about 20 seconds, trying to figure out what to do with myself. At last I realised that standing around hiding it would not do too much good, as everyone was already looking and pointing and laughing. So I rushed off to the toilets.

It still hasn't left me. Last week I ran into someone whom I hadn't seen in about 5 years, and the second thing he said (after "Hey, Seymore"), was "I hear there are polaroids of that swimming competition on the net."

Life can be so cruel.