You know how they say that freedom is won at the barrel of a gun?

You know how the Bush administration is all about protecting the constitutional right to bear powerful weapons?

You know how the Founding Fathers won the United States' independence by kicking ass and taking names?

You know how that assault weapons ban just expired earlier this week?

Here's what I'm sayin'. Since all law-abiding Americans have easy access to butt-kicking weaponry now, why don't we use it to protect ourselves against the deprivation of democratic process? Here's what we do.

November 1: Tom Ridge bumps the Homeland Security Threat Level up to chartreuse, saying that Osama bin Laden, Saddam Hussein, and/or Jacques Chirac are plotting acts of terror against "an unspecified polling site." Bush orders the election delayed indefinitely. Witihin a couple of hours, protestors surround the White House. Bush boards Marine One and escapes to Crawford, Texas. Meanwhile, key revolutionary leaders are called to a secret conference in Everything, Kansas.

November 2: At the Everything conference, a strategic plan is drawn up. Several teams of paramilitary troops, armed with fully-automatic Chinese AK-47 knockoffs1, board unmarked vans at midnight and trek toward Crawford, New York, Atlanta, Los Angeles, and Chicago.

November 3: News organizations briefly wonder when the election will take place, and then go back to the Scott Peterson story. Troops inch closer to their targets. Protestors begin getting angrier.

November 4: Trucks depart for major cities across the U.S., loaded with cases of automatic rifles and Kevlar vests.

November 5: Troops reach their destinations, and after surprisingly brief altercations, take control of television and radio stations. Threat level goes up to red instantaneously, but nobody can hear about it, because the airwaves are now being used to broadcast...

La Resistance!

Meanwhile, private pilots drop thousands of leaflets over major cities, urging citizens to join in.

November 6: Troops entrenched around Crawford close on the Bush compound, take the president hostage, and force him to resign. A special motorcade, escorted by rogue police officers, transports John Kerry from Boston to Washington, where protestors have overrun the White House with the support of armed militia.

OK, it wouldn't be that easy. There would be lots of fighting, and Bush would probably mobilize the armed forces and National Guard against the rebels, and the South would probably secede again somewhere in the process. But you get the idea.

Liberty has to be won and re-won many, many times.

Note: I'm not serious, Mr. Ashcroft. Really. You guys are great. Four more years! Heh. Hehheh...

1 NotFabio says: Dude, if I am going to get all revolutionary on someone's ass, I am *so* using a 'Merican gun to do it. Like a Heckler & Koch or a Glock.