eHarmony is a dating website where you take their critically-acclaimed "personality profile" and you're instantly matched with people in your area, or wherever you choose.

Essentially, you complete somewhere around 14 to 16 pages of endless questions which, of course, make you question yourself more than anything. Its inherent flaw being that most people tend to outright lie about themselves.

At the end of the questions, you fill out information pertaining to yourself, and you're supposed to be presented a list of matches, whether or not this actually occurs I am not aware. For those of you like me who fall into the lucky 20%, you will receive this message:

"eHarmony is based upon a complex matching system developed through extensive testing of married individuals. One of the requirements for it to work successfully is for participants to fall into our rigorously defined profiles. If we aren't able to match a user well using these profiles, the most considerate approach is to inform them early in the process.

We are so convinced of the importance of creating compatible matches to help people establish and enjoy happy, lasting relationships that we choose not to provide service rather than risk an uncertain match.

Unfortunately, we are not able to make our profiles work for you. Our matching system is not suitable for about 20% of potential users, so 1 in 5 people simply would not benefit from our service. We hope that you understand that we regret our inability to provide service for you at this time.

You can still receive your free personality profile by clicking here."

Of course, clicking here will present you with your profile, which just so happens to have worded interpretations to your responses. Worthless. My inability to establish a working relationship has been verified by a computer. Official time to stop trying: now.