distraction, procrastination, laziness. it's been nice lately, the way a warm white chocolate mocha is nice when the wind is too cold and I purposely forgot a sweater.

my words are subtle, I tell him, then he looks at me and he knows the words are there just beneath the surfaces but I'm such a coward.

my words are bold, he replies and I envy that.

I don't know how to explain it except that I feel my arms are open, stretched out wide and awaiting the world because I want to give it a hug. I want to hug the world and tell the world you are beautiful today and it boggles my mind that they don't understand.

my world is made up of words and sometimes that is all I remember of people. after a while their image is blurred and I can only remember their eyes, their noses, their mouths, but I can never put them together right and if I tried it'd be distorted. maybe I like it that way. I remember their words, though, only a couple words here and there and they mingle about with the other words that have been tucked away.

sometimes I don't know where my words begin and where theirs end.

I woke up this morning and I couldn't tell if I was still drunk or not and I ate some breakfast with my mom and she sat there so still and quiet and I wanted to scream at her. don't you know it's a beautiful day? but all she did was read the newspaper. instead I went to bed again and took my thoughts with me and it's been the first dream I can remember in far too long.